Hard Tackles And Dirty Baths

Gay, Mentally Challenged Biracial Male Cheerleader Claims Discrimination

2010-02-06T21:59:00.002-05:00

I leave it to you to make all the jokes about this story because I have to go change my pants.

Tragic Mirror Shortage Continues To Plague Italy

2010-01-31T21:14:00.006-05:00

Livorno's off again on again, often frantic gaffer Serse Cosmi, seen here (in an image owned by Getty Images) today during Livorno's 1-1 draw with the Beckham and McDonaldinho over at the San Siro.

Really, what on earth is going on here? This man is wearing an Irish farmer's hat, Maverick's sunglasses, Clouseau's trench coat dyed black, and a scarf that looks like something I gave the missus for Christmas 3 years ago. I can't even bring myself to comment on the chin music. Makes me proud to be a fashion-proof slob if this is what fashion has come to.

How To Report The Evening News

2010-01-29T10:45:00.002-05:00

Funny, because it's true!

This Is Just Great

2010-01-29T09:51:00.003-05:00

They've got nudey butt machines now. Exactly what I need. So I can't even go to an airport without people laughing.

yes, Yes, YEEEESSSSSS!!!

2010-01-23T09:23:00.001-05:00

What has taken them this long?

This Is Odd

2010-01-23T08:54:00.005-05:00

I don't mean to make light of a tragedy such as the Haitian earthquake but really, look at this. I don't think it's such a good idea to use rescue bears in a situation like this but what do I know?

Speaking of the Haitian earthquake (caused, as two leading intellectuals say, by the Devil and the US military) here's a story that has gotten a lot of attention but somehow didn't manage to stop those Hope For Haiti telethon people from giving a share of the proceeds to Yele Haiti. According to some reports, Yele Haiti, led by Wyclef Jean, seems to have a somewhat dubious history when it comes to disbursing their funds to those in need.

Ah, Kids These Days

2010-01-23T07:13:00.003-05:00

Would you just look at these lovable litle scamps from a Russian youth hockey league enjoying life as only kids can.

Makes you all gushy inside, doesn't it?

Miguel Cabrera's On The Clothesline

2010-01-21T16:15:00.006-05:00

The Tigers' first baseman has gone through rehab for alcoholism. Insert sound of slide whistle going down here because Cabrera's happy funtime is now . . . OVER! You won't find fun or peace at the bottom of a bottle of apple juice, amigo. You'll mainly just find diarrhea. Anyway, I live by the words a dear friend once told me. Anonymous Blog Writer, he says to me, "I'm not an alcoholic, because alcoholics become quitters and my mother didn't raise any quitters. I'm a drunk."

The Surf Is Also Up

2010-01-21T14:51:00.004-05:00

Sky Sports was kind enough to send Millie Clode along to cover a story on surfing in the UK. In the report we learn that there has been a 67% increase in surfing in the UK over the past 2 years. In a related story, male Sky Sports viewers are reporting a 100% tightening of their pants after they saw Millie Clode in her wetsuit.

Assholes Assembllllllllllllllllllle!

2010-01-20T14:54:00.004-05:00

They sure did the other day in our embarrassing loss to City. Tevez, Bellamy, and Neville all on the same pitch at the same time! Dick alert! All that was missing was Robbie Savage and Jamie Garragher. Had they been there too, the universe would have exploded.

The Intercoursing Version Of The Big Lebowski

2010-01-11T16:37:00.003-05:00

Doesn't get much better than this movie. Here it is stripped of all but the most essential potty mouth moments.

Hair Ye, Hair Ye

2010-01-07T10:09:00.005-05:00

Anybody catch the Milan-Genoa match yesterday? The Beckhams made a successful comeback and RonaldILoveMcDonaldsinho scored a goal. The old guard had a good day. It was like being in a time machine already! And speaking of time machines, you'd have to set one back to say, oh, I don't know, 2,000 BC in Egypt to have any chance of looking normal whilst having your head adorned with the following do. Behold . . . the inexplicably weird stylings of Genoa forward Rodrigo Palacio.

Goodbye Holidays

2010-01-04T11:32:00.004-05:00

Whew, thank God they're over. Couldn't take much more of that. People coming over to consume all of your precious booze. My liquor cabinet began December as The Arsenal Of Insobriety, barely containing its packed ranks of various delightful liquors, but now it is reduced to a pathetic wasteland occasionally dotted by the odd half bottle of vermouth here and a nearly empty bottle of port there.

I should have heeded the sage advice of Kingsley Amis. He was one of the great drinkers in the history of man and he gave some sound advice about how to throw a party without putting a severe dent in your liquor cabinet. For those of you who, like me, consider yourselves masters of the glorious art of drinking I command you to get to a bookstore (then a liquor store) and buy Kingsley Amis' Everyday Drinking. You will keel over from laughing so hard. That is, if you don't keel over from the drink first.

Hair Ye, Hair Ye

2009-12-22T10:59:00.003-05:00

Marek Hamsik, star midfielder for Napoli and Slovakia, looking sort of like what Kid from Kid 'n Play would look like if he were white.

You've Got To Love Brazil

2009-12-22T09:56:00.004-05:00

Brazil has got its fair share of problems, but my lord, they do two things better than just about any other country: create great soccer players and create the lovely ladies.

Peruvian Footballer Kukin Flores - Master Of Deception

2009-12-17T10:27:00.003-05:00

Well, at least not when it comes to excuses as to why he was nabbed running naked through the street. This is almost too funny to be true . . .

Iquitos midfielder Kukín Flores: told his wife he'd been stopped by Peruvian police while sprinting naked down a street because "I was being chased by a ghost". Flores later admitted he had actually been out "engaging with dirty ladies", and was then mugged. "I didn't want my wife to be suspicious about ladies so I just told her it was a ghost. She failed to believe me." Flores admitted he had experienced "issues with cocaine" in the past, "but this was nothing like that. I just had a bad day."

Loving it!

Welcome Back!

2009-12-14T09:34:00.009-05:00

Hey, I forgot about the blog again. Been busy, what with the new Victoria's Secret catalogs coming out for Christmas and everything. So I was snapped back into blog mode yesterday while watching the Liverpool-Arsenal match. Andrei Arshavin is a player of enormous talent and his contributions to his Arsenal side are already approaching legend after only a year of service to the cause. But what is it about him? The faces he makes in his goal celebrations . . . they're very awkward. They remind me of something. Hmmm. What is it . . . .

Hmmm . . .

Wait a minute . . . I've got it. It's . . . Simple Jack! The problem is that Arshavin is going full tard during these celebrations and that's why they're being mocked. If he only went half tard they'd be critically acclaimed.

Many a shameful head of sporting hair has gone unmocked in my absence but fear not, I shall return later with more!

Joe Girardi - The New Tinkerman

2009-10-29T14:43:00.003-04:00

It's beyond frustrating to be a Yankee fan sometimes. You only rarely get to watch a game where your team doesn't use like 7 or 8 pitchers. I used to think Joe Torre had no clue how to manage a bullpen but he has nothing on Joe Girardi. It's like some obsessive compulsive need to tinker. This outrageously annoying habit of Girardi's is brilliantly dissected here.

It's Pouring Outside . . .

2009-10-28T10:33:00.002-04:00

. . . but the sun is shining brightly in my heart.

Reader Submissions

2009-10-27T08:50:00.005-04:00

Long suffering Norwich fan Andrew from New York writes in regarding Saint Crispin's Day:

"Took 500+ years but the French ultimately won."

Ha! If you take the EU as something of a French invention, then indeed they have.

We Band Of Brothers

2009-10-26T16:12:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was St. Crispin's Day.

May it always be that the men of the West stand firm in the face of onslaught, may it always be that we wish not one man more to stand with us, may it always be we know and gladly take our place in the line, may it always be that we beat back the menace before us.

More On This Sporting Weekend

2009-10-26T10:55:00.009-04:00

The Yankees get through to the World Series, but otherwise, yack. OK, here we go.

Yankees Post Game Celebration

Like most victory celebrations now, last night's celebration was the usual artificial, orchestrated celebration you come to expect in today's sporting world.

Goggles? Goggles?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? GOGGLES?! Look at these two guys below and ask yourself, how badly would I get my ass kicked if I interrupted the cans of Pabst they were draining and the packs of cigarettes they were smoking to celebrate a World Series victory by asking if they'd like to put on goggles, an official certified 09 ALCS Champion hat and t-shirt, and cover their locker in Saran Wrap so their fancy lad shirts don't get wet.

United-Liverpool And Other Prem Stuff

I have never seen Paul Scholes look so lost. The pace of the game was way past his ability to keep up and he couldn't control the ball. So why WHY was Anderson keeping the bench . . . no, wait, they're not benches, they're more like space age rocket ship seats now . . . warm when Scholes looked so bad? Making matters worse Ryan Giggs became the 36 year old Ryan Giggs again this weekend, replacing the 26 year old Ryan Giggs who had been playing so well the past few weeks.

Look, Liverpool played harder and wanted the win more and so they got the win they deserved. Especially when we can't be bothered to score. That happened because Rooney went missing without adequate service, Berbatov was more concerned with cementing his image as a whining, lazy bum, and the ref was clearly the 12th man on the pitch for Liverpool.

Chelsea gets back in stride by tonking the bejunipers out of Blackburn 5-0. Both Arsenal and Manchester City cough up points they should have easily taken from West Ham and Fulham respectively.

Giants Lose 2 In A Row. Unacceptable.

Yeah, NFL, stuff. Give me a break. Losing to Kurt Warner and the Cardinals at home? And don't give me that "they were in the Superbowl last year" nonsense. Can't ever recollect a worse team stumbling that far. And Warner is like 100 years old. You're telling me we could only manage two sacks on a guy who has all of the mobility of an anvil? Pew.

Javier Zanetti? You Bet-y!

Wacka! Great headline! So he played in his 476th match for Inter, tying the mark for second most matches in Inter history. I no like a the Inter but I like a the Zanetti, because a he play with the respect and fairness and he has a the normal haircut.

United Stink It Up While Andy Cruises

2009-10-25T22:59:00.004-04:00

Still processing the level of awful, uninspired football that United played today in their 0-2 loss to Liverpool at Anfield. Despite the fact that they had three legitimate penalties ignored. They were terrible, with Berbatov, Carrick, and Scholes looking particularly putrid. And what, what with the Rio already? These days he gets beat more than the main character in a Lifetime movie. Except there's no happy ending when it happens to him.

Game 6 on now, and may I just take this opportunity to applaud Erik Aybar for getting his dreadlocks successfully removed? He deserves our praise and admiration for making the right decision. Now if he could just get Ervin Santana to shave off that awful chinstrap of his I think I'd like the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim more than I do now.

This Sporting Weekend

2009-10-24T21:34:00.004-04:00

We'll have a full wrap up tomorrow after the clash at Anfield and the Spankees win the ALCS. But in the meantime, I must say that today's Birmingham - Sunderland match was notable for one Christian Benitez. On his jersey in place of his name is written his nickname - Chucho. Well, you'd have to be a chooch to have a hairdo like this.

You might not be able to see the detail here but his hair looks like what you'd get if instead of shaving a Batman logo into your fro, like they did back in the 80's, you shaved Mike Tyson's face tattoo into your fro. It wraps around his whole head. Ridiculous.

Music As Torture?

2009-10-22T10:52:00.004-04:00

I finally have to agree with the 40 to 50 year old rapidly aging rockers who live in a fantasy world where it's still 1993 and they're still meaningful. Forcing somebody to listen to Nine Inch Nails is torture.

There is nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster - Doctor Evil.

Great Sporting Names

2009-10-21T15:23:00.001-04:00

Hulk. He'll smash you.

Brett Gardner In The Playoffs

2009-10-20T23:03:00.004-04:00

Ohhh, come on!!!! Are you kidding me? Gardner thrown out again? His base running during the playoffs has been the sporting equivalent of buying your wife plastic roses and a can of Pledge for Valentine's Day. No scoring for you!

What's With These Umps?

2009-10-20T21:58:00.004-04:00

Now watching the comedy that is Game 4 of the ALCS, and I have to say this game has seen more blown calls than any game I can ever recollect seeing. Cano at home, Swisher at second, Swisher at third, and whatever the hell that was that just happened at third base with Posada and Cabrera. Watching these umps at work has been, to paraphrase the great Patches O'Houlihan from Dodgeball, like watching a bunch of retards try to fuck a doorknob.

Cristo Redentor/Christo Redemptor

2009-10-20T21:32:00.007-04:00

A great rare gem from back in the 60's (. . .man). Charlie Musselwhite's (then known as Charley Musselwhite) Christo Redemptor. The original first appeared on Donald Byrd's quirky, sort of avant garde classic A New Perspective, though the song was then called Cristo Redentor. You may remember the song from A Bronx Tale. Or maybe not. I don't know. The movie hasn't seemed to be too kind to the people that were in it. You got Calogero who wound up being involved in the death of a cop, Jane who wound up doing local cable commercials where she doesn't even have a speaking part, and Chaz Palminteri who is doing, well, actually I don't know what the hell he's been doing since he dropped that coffee cup in The Ususal Suspects. Anyway, I'm sidetracking. Without further ado, Charlie Musselwhite's, though at the time Charley Musselwhite's, Christo Redemptor, not Cristo Redentor.

Welcome Back

2009-10-19T10:46:00.007-04:00

. . .to me! Hi everybody! I was totally super upset to be away for a while, but now I'm back to ruin your day. Where to begin? How about with . . .

The Yankees

Loving it, absolutely loving it. Looks like we'll be buying, er, winning another championship. But what I'm not loving are these retarded start times for the games. What child caught the end of that Game 2? I'm a grown up, with a chest full of rich, manly hair, and I couldn't even make it past the 8th inning. MLB, give us a break and start the games earlier. Also, what's with these Holden Caulfield hats?

I know it was cold, but was it that cold? If this had been a football game in Green Bay, I think the players would have thought it was the global warming happening to them, what with the balminess. Hey, at least this hat isn't as menacing as Robinson Cano's balaclava.

Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph, boyo! Is this an IRA sniper or our second baseman?

Down Goes Giampaolo Pazzini!

The Lazio - Sampdoria match yesterday was unusually physical, especially given the number of ladies' headbands on the pitch (come on, men of Italy, really). And in what became a very physical match by far the most physical moment was when Giampaolo Pazzini got his nose broken by Lazio goalkeeper Fernando Muslera. This was straight out of a comic book. Pazzini goes up for a header in the box and Muslera, flying through the air like Superman, throws a haymaker to knock the ball away. But, mamma mia, instead he make a the hit on Pazzini's face, and a Pazzini he get a the broke nose. It was incredible. To his credit, Pazzini got up quickly and walked off the pitch but now he's out for a few weeks.

Life At The Top

Boy oh boy, what a weekend for United! Chelsea and Liverpool both drink deeply from the cup of embarrassing failure, and City barely get a point off of Wigan (who had a perfectly legitimate goal called off, by the way). Sooo, the good guys go back on top. And may I just take back the things I've said about Giggsy at the start of the year, because he's playing ridiculous football right now. In attempting to cover Giggs, the Bolton defense got more twisted than Willie Nelson at a hemp festival.

Thoughts On The Twins-Tigers One Game Playoff Last Night

2009-10-07T21:47:00.003-04:00

What a game! Crazy though, that Tigers' coaching staff. See any shots of them? Mother of mercy, what's on the menu in the coaches' room? Mallomars and deep fried Crisco? Aside from Jim Leyland, who looks like he's one stiff wind away from a broken hip, there's a few coaches on that bench who look like they wouldn't budge in a tornado. Guys, guys, guys, you're coaching athletes. For God's sake, put down the peanut butter and banana sandwich and try salad. You'll thank me later.

Cantona

2009-10-07T21:31:00.001-04:00

Just because it's Wednesday and I love you. Behold, Eric himself, in all his glory. Cocky bastard. We could use a bit of that now.

Michel Platini - The Brilliantest Most Person Ever

2009-10-07T10:16:00.009-04:00

Well he must be, right? How else could he so frequently astound the world with his God-like nuggets of wisdom? Like his latest - that soccer can bring peace to the mideast. He says soccer promotes "peace, tolerance and friendship." So, can we please just give the Israeli settlers and Hamas militiamen some soccer balls already? That should solve about 4,000 years of bloody dispute over the area.

Anyway, here's some footage of Michel Platini celebrating his famous winning goal for Juventus against Liverpool in the 85 European Cup Final.

That he's celebrating like this proves that soccer brings peace and happiness. Why? Because just an hour or two before the match, in the stadium, for all there to witness, 39 supporters of Juventus died and hundreds were injured in savage rioting. But then the game finally started and poof! all the bad stuff stopped and everything was betterer!

Soccer's ability to promote peace, tolerance, and friendship. It's like magic I tell you. Magic.

Ireland Not Up For Ireland

2009-10-07T09:35:00.004-04:00

Ba dump dump.

So Stephen Ireland makes it totally super official that he will not be playing for Trappatoni's Ireland squad. We've discussed Stephen Ireland here before and his story still fascinates me. Because rumors are that the real reason he left the national team was on account of . . . being ridiculed by his teammates for his hair plugs/wig/transplant/toup. Who can say if it's true, but if it is, that's just about the funniest thing you'll ever hear.

Remember when footballers didn't give a poop about thinning hair?

Get Your Oktoberfest On!

2009-10-05T15:21:00.001-04:00

This Sporting Weekend

2009-10-05T09:17:00.009-04:00

Where to begin? Ah, with United. What an incredibly subpar performance. It happens from time to time, but again, the culprit in my eyes is Ben "Jell-O Mould" Foster. He is incredibly shaky between the posts and I think his time is almost up.

Old SAF lashed out after the match but he chose the wrong target. Contrary to SAF's suggestion, United's performance had nothing to do with the fitness of the ref. It may have something to do with his insistence on starting Scholes and Nani and not letting Anderson develop. The midfield has been mostly underwhelming this year. It's looking like Fletcher and Anderson should be the only midfielders guaranteed a start.

Roma Resurgent!

Francesco Totti, seemingly back in peak form, led Roma to victory against Napoli. Is there a more underrated player in Italy than Totti? I'm starting to believe him when he says that he gets no love from the media because he is a southern Italian. The guy is best Italian-born player in the world, in my opinion. Anyway, Roma is now incredibly only 5 points out of the top spot.

October In New York

It's good to have it back! Hoping the Yankees get the Twins and not the Tigers. Yesterday was notable for the appearance of George himself! The Big Stein dropped in on the team and watched the game. I hate to sound like a dick here but isn't he becoming slightly Kim Jong-Ilish? The increasingly reclusive leader of an evil empire, he almost never appears in public anymore and when he does he looks like he's struggling under the weight of novelty sized sunglasses. It seems to me, and all sorts of reports abound to confirm, that the guy is sick. I wonder why anybody feels the need to expose his condition to the public.

Killjoy Watch

What kind of society is this becoming? No smoking in your own apartment? It only takes a handful of killjoys to f*** everything up for the rest of us. I wish judges and juries were comprised entirely of guys like the cab driver from Old School.

A Fascinating Episode Of Baseball Theater

2009-10-02T11:10:00.003-04:00

You have to watch this at bat like you would read a James Joyce novel. Just so much going on under the surface.

Speaking Of Celebrity Causes . . .

2009-09-30T10:50:00.004-04:00

I notice that Tilda Swinton is among the list of celebrities who are proud to support a man who anally raped an underage girl and then fled punishment.

Tilda also features in the classic "Stand Up To Cancer" commercial (extended version here, I refuse to post it because I would not sully such purposeful art by putting it on my site). Have you seen it? A variety of celebrities (Tilda, Mike Bloomberg, Lance Armstrong, etc) confidently rise from their seats and stand up. They're not standing up to terrorists, or North Korea, or anything like that. That's for pussies. No, they're standing up to cancer. These brave mother******s are risking it all to push back against naturally occurring yet dangerous forms of cell division. They've had enough of it, and now they are going to kick the living shit out of cancer. Next on the list for a celebrity beatdown . . . plate tectonics. Look out, uncontrollable act of nature, Hollywood is about to drop the atomic elbow on your noggin.

Polanski Won't Like It In Prison When It's His Ass Getting It

2009-09-29T22:58:00.007-04:00

So you've heard about Roman Polanski, yeah? Just a brief note on this - a bunch of the Hollywood elite, whose sophistication and talent has allowed them to transcend the mere humanity that we slobs labor through, have signed petitions in his defense.

That's quite a list. I hope you remember those names the next time you're thinking about paying money to see the movies these people put out. They support a guy who drugged and then raped an underage girl.

Skysports.com Headline Generating Game

2009-09-28T09:20:00.006-04:00

Have you ever gone to Skysports.com and thought, "my God, these are the most interchangeable headlines ever"? Well, now you too can randomly create headlines for Sky Sports! Simply mix and match and voila! - a headline that can appear any day. And usually does.

Pick 1 - SAF, Terry, Rooney, Rafa, Redknapp, Mourinho,

Add 1 - hails, wary of, rues, warns against, concern over, defends

Add 1 - Blues, decision, supporters, fitness, current form, challenge

Random Skysports.com headline is created!

More On Vagner Love

2009-09-27T20:56:00.004-04:00

You know what would be pretty cool? If Palmeiras hired the guy who used to do the announcements for ABC back in the day to announce Vagner Love. Remember that guy (Ernie Anderson)? "Tonight, on the ABC Sunday Night movie, Sean Connery is . . . James Bond". But he was best at doing Love Boat intros. Tonight, on the Love Boat . . .".

"Starting tonight for Palmeiras . . . Wagner Looove".

Incredible!

2009-09-26T21:05:00.005-04:00

Found myself with much more free time than anitcipated today, so I got to catch some Brazilian football. League leaders Palmeiras defeated Paranaense. The winning goal was scored by, yes, Vagner Love, formerly of CSKA Moscow (this guy must have some passport). What names these Brazilian soccer players have! If I told somebody my name was Vagner Love, they'd laugh at me. But if I picked up a soccer ball, put on a Brazil jersey, and said my name was Vagner Love, or even, ohhhh, I don't know . . . KAKA!, nobody would blink. Anyway, this guy has got a fearsome looking hairdo. I wonder how it's even allowed. Looks like it would hurt you like a mother****** if you got whipped with it.

Jeter For Mayor

2009-09-26T20:44:00.003-04:00

Is he running for Mayor of Baseball Town? I'm just wondering, because every time I watch the Yankees he seems to be doing the glad-handing, saying hi to everybody in the room politician thing. Even today, against the Sawx! For a moment it looked like Jeter and Youkilis were having such a good time that they were going to walk off the field and grab a beer. I'm not saying he should be a dick and be an a-hole to opposition players, but would it kill it him to refrain from yucking it up with the other team as much as he does?

Scholes . . . Again

2009-09-26T11:24:00.004-04:00

This time, two handballs at once in the box and no call. Whew! I just can't figure Scholes out. Has nobody ever told him he cannot touch the ball with his hands?

Portsmouth-Everton

2009-09-26T10:11:00.005-04:00

Was the second half of Portsmouth-Everton the second half of a soccer match or the final assault on the Legion fort in Beau Geste. Wowza! Portsmouth didn't get any points out of a lung-busting effort that, if they gave points for effort, they clearly deserved 3 points for. Everton wins 1-0, but what a cracker of a match.

And . . . Robbie Mustoe's girlfriend was behind the camera at ESPN again. The jealousy was on display as the fabulous Miss Georgie (Bada) Bingham was again filmed from a maximum nearness of about 50 ft. Robbie Mustoe got close-ups galore though, like shots out of Fantastic Voyage. And Tommy Smyth dropped an onion bag line. Oof.

A Note To Our Reader

2009-09-24T16:02:00.001-04:00

In an effort to gain readers, spread our word, and get some new perspectives, I may be having some additional bloggers come aboard. Perhaps quite soon.

Cornrow Plague Season Returns

2009-09-23T21:26:00.011-04:00

Like the flu, the dreaded cornrow virus has returned this fall with a vengence. For those of you with a weak stomach, I ask you to turn away now. Those hardier souls among you may proceed and witness the horrors of the cornrow.

Like the heartbreak of psoriasis, cornrows are making Glen Johnson an outcast in the football world. That and his cockup against Slovenia. Anyway, his infection dictates that he must try harder than the others to make friends. Here, he blows kisses to his mark in a frankly awkward attempt to win friends.

The always oddly-coiffed David James has been infected again. This one isn't one of the worst but it's bad. It's got Bronx-style scalp-line crafting, sideways cornrows, and then some weird pigtail in the back. Our heart goes out to him. His condition appears to be terminal.

Frederic Piqionne and his Formula 1 track inspired hair tussle . . . with . . . oh. Oh my. Well, let's move on then.

Benoit Assou Ekotto, why?

So I know what you're thinking - the problem is limited to footballers on teams that will not seriously contend for the Premier League title so I don;t have to worry. Well, you're wrong, buddy. The problem is here now. It has spread across the ocean and beyond sports. See here.

It has infected the Philadelphia Police Department. God help us.

Sol Campbell Leaves Notts County After Only One Game

2009-09-23T11:19:00.004-04:00

He's leaving the League One side because it's just not for him.

You know what? I can't blame him.

The Match That Time Forgot

2009-09-22T12:57:00.006-04:00

So that was some derby, eh? The good guys came out on top. Hooray! And a really enjoyable game to boot. Who needs that Portugeezer when Fletcher is playing like this?

But it must be said, even as a United guy, that there was perhaps just a pinch more extra time at the end than there should have been.

No Love For Tevez

2009-09-22T08:15:00.003-04:00

This guy has got to be as dumb as a sack full of hammers. He thought he was going to be cheered by United's fans? You make a huge stink about how much you love these fans and then you ditch out for more money? Honestly, is this the most poorly advised, most thick-headed player ever? I guess you could say that about two or three Manchester City strikers, but Tevez, wow, the guy needs a muzzle and a PR class, stat.

The Firm

2009-09-18T11:37:00.005-04:00

So there's a new movie coming out called The Firm. As you may have guessed from the title, it's about soccer hooliganism. England in the 80's. I haven't seen the movie (it's not even been released here yet) so I can't comment on it, but I hope it doesn't glamorize the whole hooligan scene. There are tons of autobiographies and movies of firm members that seem to do just that. But if you have to read just one book about that scene, read Among The Thugs, by Bill Buford. Jaw dropping stuff.

Sadly, hooliganism still rears its ugly head from time to time.

Speaking Of Greens

2009-09-14T14:48:00.005-04:00

Because I'm feeling generous today, I leave you with Part 1 (of 12) of The Peter Green Story. If you don't know who Peter Green is, then you should be beaten with a stick*. Green, like Syd Barrett, was an awesomely gifted talent but he couldn't quite handle the scene and burned out too quickly. So, edjermocate yourselves and watch all 12 episodes.

*this holds true for Peter Green the historian as well. His work on Alexander The Great is without peer.

New HTADB HOF Inductee - Robert Green

2009-09-14T14:07:00.008-04:00

Robert Green, keeper for West Ham, you are hereby officially entered into the HTADB Hall Of Fame. Why? Because you have recommended that children read The Iliad.

What a great thing to see. A modern athlete recognizing the worth of the greatest book (as it currently exists, though initially it was more of a song) ever there was. A book that's certainly full of blood and guts, but a book about dedication, friendship, the will to act, and what it means to stand fast when others break.

Ross Turnbull, you get Honorable Mention for picking Blessed by our dear old Georgie Best.

As frankly honest and moving a sporting autobiography as you're ever likely to find.

Boxers - Before And After

2009-09-14T11:10:00.001-04:00

A very interesting little series of photographs.

Reader Submission

2009-09-14T10:19:00.004-04:00

Loyal reader J.F. in Perth, Australia writes to tell me about this Australian Rules Football player who comes into his bar all the time and who owns this whopper of a sporting hairdo.

Saints preserve us!. This is fantastic. It is both space age and ancient. If this fellow had stepped out of a time machine, I wouldn't be sure if he was from olden days or the future. But, it looks way too complicated for me. Seems there's a hairbrush and dryer involved and that fails my "does this haircut require more than just my fingers to maintain?" test.

Saturday Review

2009-09-12T10:59:00.008-04:00

What's going on here in ESPN's broadcast of the Liverpool-Burnley match? Why this unbelievably gay policy of not showing any close-ups of the very yummy Georgie (Bada)Bingham but relentless tight shots of Robbie Mustoe? The camera will shoot from 30 feet away as Georgie asks a question, then zoom in for a nose hair count shot on Robbie when he answers. What is this, Bravo?

Jeter

He got the big hit last night. After the 2 minute delay in which all the Yankees came out to congratulate him and the fans applauded, the Orioles pitcher tried to pick Jeter off at first. Lots of boos in the Stadium but I think it was good baseball. You're there to win the game and Jeter was probably not 100% focused. He's probably got a lot on his mind these days.

Roma

I know it's too early in the season to get super concerned about this but Roma is at the bottom of the Serie A table, and they look like they belong there. Two or three years ago, only Arsenal was playing more beautiful football than Roma. Now it's all going to pot. They'll snap out of it and get back to respectability but those glory days appear to be kaput.

The Ginger Ninja Sees Red, Episode #5,237

Paul Scholes must be cursed like some figure from mythology. Though gifted with rarely encountered passing ability and vision, he has obviously offended a football deity who has subsequently punished Scholes by making him perhaps the worst tackler ever. He was sent off early in the second half today against Spurs after one of the most awkwardly hard to believe tackles you'll ever see. And of course, it was his second. Hey, at least it wasn't a handball this time.

The Rooney!

On fire today. Absolutely a team unto himself. Working alone up front, he ran enough to essentially negate United's being a man down. Sensational stuff, and I think we'll see what he's all about this year. He's never been allowed to be the tip of the spear before and now that he is watch out. Oh, and Anderson scored today. SAF has got to play this guy every match. He's got the potential to dominate the midfield for years to come.

Best Commercial Ever?

2009-09-09T13:37:00.003-04:00

Perhaps, if you're a footie fan. My how the teams have changed though!

Brazil Day

2009-09-06T23:20:00.005-04:00

At least here in NY it is. One million Brazilians - wearing far more clothing than I had expected - and Brazil lovers came to midtown to celebrate what has got to be the funnest, happiest culture on earth. So I thought this is as good an opportunity as any to drop a little Joao Gilberto on you. This is Brazil's signature sound from its signature artist.

Very Fishy Indeed

2009-09-06T10:40:00.005-04:00

So, I recently read a magnificent book called The Fix, by investigative journalist Declan Hill. It's a real eye-opener, and it goes into tremendously saddening detail regarding the match fixing that goes on in soccer - all over the world. It's hard to ever watch the game the same way after reading it because it makes you paranoid. Every bad play, every goal that really should have been saved, suspicious own goals, they all make you think twice.

So that's why when I saw that Italy beat Georgia 2-0 yesterday in a World Cup qualifying match, and that both goals were own goals, and both own goals were put in by the SAME PLAYER, who just happens to play in Italy for AC Milan, I said to myself, "self, hmmmmm, this seems very fishy indeed".

Those Straight Laced, Puritanical Dutch

I stopped by the Dutch exhibition in Bowling Green park on Friday. Holland had sponsored this sort of mini-Dutch village set up to promote their nation. I went in the far off hope that two things would be present. Beer and naked ladies in shop windows. Goes without saying but neither was there. And for you stoners out there, there wasn't even a hash brownie stand. Very strange. Were the tiny slivers of Dutch cheese, wooden shoes, and tulip bulbs really the best bait the Dutch could find to lure people to their country?

Bad News For Chelsea

2009-09-03T12:08:00.002-04:00

This is hard to believe but if it sticks it's very bad news for Chelsea. They've been banned from signing any new players for the next two transfer windows. And it's an aging team too. Wow. Potentially devastating stuff.

Wow

2009-09-03T10:35:00.005-04:00

I loves me the footie, yet I never play. Age, poor habits, etc.. So as an increasingly rotund fellow who gets winded even looking at a checker board, let alone a pitch, I found this little story amazing. Getting your legged blown off by a landmine, recovering, and then playing soccer again? That's something. Despite the fact that the narrator sounds like an African man who has learned to speak impeccable English in a gay Dublin nightclub, I like this story.

If the video player doesn't work, click here to watch.

Beans Don't Burn On The Grill

2009-09-02T22:02:00.003-04:00

And it took a who-ole lot of tuh-rye-ing, for New Zealand striker Kris Bright just to get up that hill.

Sometimes when you get a bit jaded by sports and pampered athletes, it's nice to see a story like this. Sheer determination.

Also, it's rare you find a story that mentions both Manchester United and Shrewsbury Town.

See, I Told You

2009-08-31T11:11:00.006-04:00

"It is what it is", the verbal crutch for people whose athleticism has saved them from a life spent behind the counter at McDonald's, has invaded the business world and now ranks high on an Accountemps survey of overused phrases.

You get bombarded with this stuff when you work in advertising. Be it the 23 year old Assistant Media Buyer, who, like, is like, going to be your contact on this account*, or the 45 year old hipster doofus wearing those rectangular glasses who lists volunteering, yoga, and bicycling as his hobbies, they all spew this meaningless drivel with an equally unrelenting fury. Leverage this and facilitate that. Because speaking clearly and coherently, without relying on senseless catch-phrases, is too simple. Wasted words, people. Stop using them.

*Spoken in the sort of like, whatever? tone that has massively infected urban 20 something girls, and shamefully, many boys. This neo-Valley Girl speech pattern renders every declarative into a question. For instance:

Question - What did you have for breakfast this morning?

Answer morphing into question - I, like, had organic fruit salad and steel cut oatmeal?

Well, I don't know. Did you have steel cut oatmeal? Are you telling me or asking me? And why did you add "like"? Go away from me immediately.

Wenger Kicks The Bottle

2009-08-30T09:01:00.008-04:00

The last dying seconds of injury time in yesterday's Good Guys vs Arsenal match were not kind to Old Wenger and his foreign legion. First, a last gasp game-tying goal was disallowed, and then Wenger was sent off. For kicking that bottle in the picture above. Now I get the goal being disallowed - it was a clear offsides - but Wenger was surely treated a bit harshly. There was an excellent camera shot of him, banished to the stands, with arms outstretched, stunned but defiant, with the Old Trafford faithful really giving him the business in the background. Arsenal looked like the better team for large chunks of play and despite having lost, they didn't particularly deserve the ending they got. And as it turns out, referees chief Kevin Hackett agrees. He will be formally apologizing to Wenger.

And another point reagrding yesterday's big match - SAF is getting a bit too sentimental with his lineup choices. Ryan Giggs starting up front? Against Arsenal? I get that Giggs is one of the all-time greats - without question - but he's getting a bit too long in the tooth for this sort of use. He looked completely useless in the first half. Granted, his ball to Rooney led to the penalty, but that penalty was won by Rooney's hustle more than anything else. And his free kick that led to the other goal was a fluke. How can you leave Berbatov, Owen, or even Macheda and Wellbeck on the bench and start Giggs in this sort of spot?

World Football Daily

2009-08-28T13:14:00.001-04:00

World Soccer Daily may be dead, but World Football Daily has risen to take its place. Details here.

In Praise Of Wenger, And More

2009-08-28T10:33:00.009-04:00

Hey, I'm certainly not a fan of Arsenal. But despite the as of late empty silverware shelves I think they have definitely got their poop in order, and that is directly attributable to Arsense Wenger. He's nearly the last good man left in soccer (calcio, futbol, etc). He develops talent (perhaps better than any other manager in the game) rather overpay for it, his teams play what is sometimes mesmerizing football, and his comments are almost always 100% correct. Here, he opens a can of le whoop ass on UEFA for penalizing Arsenal's Eduardo after his dive against Celtic in this week's Champions League clash.

Did Eduardo dive? Come on, of course he did. But Wenger makes a very valid point when he says:

"Normally a situation that has been assessed and judged by the referee cannot be touched again.

"So that means we have opened a door that means that every single decision that is seen by a referee can be changed. They have opened a very dangerous door there."

He may talk funny, but he's right. Are decisions made by referees now open to post match revision? Think of what that could mean. A very tricky species, indeed.

Hair Ye, Hair Ye

Louis "Unbreakable" Saha, displaying his new hair style. Look, the orange afro does not work for anybody not wearing clown makeup. Just look what it did to poor Wes Brown.

I thought the sight of Benny Hill sporting this bush whilst playing snooker would have acted as a sort of Scared Straight program for anybody bearing or considering the awful do.

But the damned thing keeps cropping up. Enough!

Goodbye, Special One TV

2009-08-27T16:31:00.003-04:00

The hits keep on coming. No more Mourinho puppet show. Seems to be official.

Back From Hiatus

2009-08-25T09:53:00.006-04:00

Hello folks. I've returned from having better things to do this summer. So much to catch up on. Where shall we begin?

Sad Goodbyes

Les Paul - We bid farewell to the great man. What praise can I offer that hasn't already been offered about this supremely influential guitar player/innovator? Here he is shredding it up from way back when.

World Soccer Daily - Feeling the sting from an advertiser boycott mounted by Liverpool fans upset by host Steven Cohen's comments regarding Hillsborough, and citing an increasing concern over the menacing nature of those who wanted his show off the air, Cohen abruptly pulled the plug on the show that was the single best source of soccer news and analysis in America. Friday, 8/21 was the last show. Pow! They sure showed him! And now the rest of us who realized that the show was actually one of the best things to ever happen to the sport in America are left with nothing to replace it. Love the show or hate it, we should all protect the hosts' right to freely express their opinions. Even if we disagree. It's about standing up for freedom of speech. Do it here - http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/support-world-soccer-daily-and-siriusxm.

Such A Determined Boy, He's Nearly Reached China!

Carlos Tevez, the Orc-ish Argentine who can't put the shovel down, continues to dig his hole straight through to the other side of the earth. Seldom, if ever, do you see a professional athlete of this caliber and income go on in such an unmanaged fashion. Somebody needs to tell this fellow that it's time to stop talking and time to start doing the business. On the pitch. If I were Mark Hughes, and my entire team was healthy, Tevez wouldn't start for me. Free advice for Carlos Tevez - shut up.

Speaking Of Orcs . . .

The Boy Rooney will have a huge year. 32 goals in all competitions if he stays healthy. That's my prediction. Also, Chelsea takes the Premier League (United second, Arsenal third, Liverpool fourth), City takes the Carling Cup and makes the Europa League, Liverpool takes the FA Cup, United come just short of the Champions League trophy (either Real or Barca take it), SAF retires at season's end, The Special One takes over ( ! ), Shrewsbury fail to get promoted to League 1 (and really, what a bunch of morons to have sold their best striker), Newcastle stay in the Chamionship, Tevez demands a transfer to Spain by season's end. Or, I'm completely wrong.

Summer Of Steaks

Has come to an abrupt halt, as we keep going to Ben & Jack's. What can I say, I'm lazy. Will resume soon hopefully.

Michael Jackson

He's dead. Have you heard? You probably missed that because these intercoursing news programs keep talking about unimportant things like the nuclear security crisis in Pakistan and the massive civil unrest in Xianjiang province, NW China, instead of talking about Jacko. Ridiculous.

Be back at you tomorrow, unless I take another month off.

Why Are Women's Sports Leagues Struggling?

2009-07-25T10:05:00.003-04:00

This is the question posed by Mark Kreidler on ESPN.com. I can answer that question.

Because NOBODY CARES.

These leagues are started when there's no actual market to support them. And when they fail miserably, or start to shed viewers in droves, ESPN and all the rest start wringing their hands and wondering how? Brandi Chastain took her shirt off, for God's sake! How could it fail! Because NOBODY CARES.

Justice, Charles Bronson Style

2009-07-24T11:39:00.002-04:00

Getting it done with the end of gun.

What About That $100 Million We're Saving?

2009-07-21T09:37:00.003-04:00

Remember when President Obama said he'd be cutting $100 million from the budget in 90 days? Well, it never happened. I guess it hardly matters anyway considering what our budget is growing into. To get an idea of what $100 million represents in the grand scheme of our overall Federal budget, look here.

A Slightly Silly Article On Serie A

2009-07-21T00:45:00.004-04:00

Here. The writer tells us that many Serie A teams are thrashing their opponents in pre-season friendlies. But he doesn't go too far out of his way to tell you that these opponents are the equivalent of bar softball teams. If I beat up a 4 year old in a fight, yes, I'd be personally stoked because I finally won a fight, but I wouldn't make it a point to say "Hey all of you people, I am the bombs because I just busted this girl up". Similarly, if I were on Genoa I wouldn't get too excited because we just beat Stubai 17-0. Especially if I'm not even certain that Stubai has an actual competitive team.

David Beckham Is No Eric Cantona

2009-07-20T15:51:00.006-04:00

The Beckham, who is mad hard, dog, confronts an angry fan at a Galaxy match. Lots of farting, no poop.

Just another example of how international football is being taken over by ladyboys.

Like here, where Ronaldo admits that he likes short shorts. Oof.

And here as Emanuel Adebayor arrives to sign for City at Middle Eastlands in an outfit from the Blue Osyter Bar Collection.

We've already gone over Carlos Tevez and his inability to find the men's section.

I can't find a picture of it but I saw on Sky Sports out of the corner of my eye last week where Joleon Lescott was walking through a parking lot dressed like a refugee from The Thunderdome.

What's up with the footballers, man? They should remember two fundamental rules while out in public. 1 - they are grown men. 2 - they need to dress like grown men.

German Experimental Artists Film United Match

2009-07-16T13:38:00.005-04:00

This is weird. Fair warning, the first 2 minutes are just George Best staring into a camera. It's unnerving so skip ahead if you need to. But the remainder is oddly interesting, if not a bit sad. The drink was starting to take its toll on old George's game by this point and a bit of the spark seems gone.

More Thoughts On Tevez

2009-07-14T11:44:00.004-04:00

Here's Tevez giving his explanation why he left United and went to City. I'm embarrassed for Tevez. He's dug himself into a hole but can't seem to put his shovel down. You can't say you are ready and happy to fight for a place in the starting lineup at City but you're leaving United because you weren't in their starting lineup enough. What about fighting for your spot in the United lineup? Instead of shooting wide all the time why not score more goals (your job). Then you'll start all you want. This guy is being very poorly advised. He shouldn't be allowed to speak to the media anymore.

On another note, just what the hell is going on here?

Is that a crocheted headwarmer? I'm going to put out a wild guess here and say that this item was not purchased from the mens section.

Thoughts On Tevez

2009-07-14T06:10:00.004-04:00

He claims he was greatly disrespected through his lack of starting opportunities, and so he's leaving. But he's leaving to join City - a team that has Robinho, Santa Cruz, Benjani, and Bellamy. That's 4 strikers who can match him easily in the goals department. And they might be signing Adebayor too. It's hard to say I'm leaving the champs as their third striker and joining the chumps as their 4th choice striker for any reason other than "I'm looking for a payday and I don't care about trophies". His payday will be in the neighborhood of £150,000 per week. I just hope he uses some of that 30 pieces of silver to get a haircut.

Hot, Moist, Pink Meat

2009-07-13T09:39:00.007-04:00

Maybe not pink. I guess I prefer medium rare. Anyway, I bring it up because I am halfway done with my Summer Of Steaks Tour™ and so it's time to discuss my thoughts thus far. From best steak to least bestiest steak, here we go:

Keens - My favorite place in the world to eat. The NY Sirloin (all reviews are based on the NY Sirloin) is without peer, always cooked just as you want it, and there's even sea salt at the table. Even better than Keens' steaks - which are the best - is Keens' Mutton. It's a Flintstones sized mountain of otherworldly lamb that requires neither salt nor sauce. It is the best meal in the city.

Ben And Jacks (5th Avenue location)- Let me tell you that I generally do not like getting my steak pre-cut. Bugs the crap out of me and usually lets all the bloody goodness of the meat run out onto your plate instead of going into your stomach where it belongs. But whatever it is they do while pre-slicing the steak at Ben And Jacks - owned and operated by ex-Lugers staff - works. Really well. It comes drenched in a sizzling bath of grease and butter and is incredible. I know, you're wondering "but what about their sauteed spinach?" Rest easy, fair reader, for their sauteed spinach is equally incredible. Ben And Jacks also has the best - the best, Jerry, the best - lunch special in town. $25ish for a good sized steak, veggies, and potatoes.

The Old Homestead - Had been my second favorite for years until Ben And Jacks came along. Still home to legendary steaks and unbeatable onion soup. I sat there like a pig in poop loving my steak until I noticed that Mrs. Bloggity Blog Blog was almost crying into her uneaten steak sandwich. Or should I say her steak tartar sandwich. I like a the rare meat, but this was too rare even for me. And it was strangely presented on a smallish hamburger bun with a mountain of crinkly looking onions. You can't really send this back for further cooking. It's already cut up and messy and then they're disassembling and reassembling. . . Gross, and likely dried out by recooking. So I gave Mrs. Bloggity Blog Blog my steak and ate all of the various sides. I love the place but the Mrs. will not be going back.

Benjamin - Solid. Can't go wrong there. And the dining area is pretty cool - it's a converted club, so it's got the wood-lined walls, giant fireplace, etc..

The Palm - Not one of the crappy chain locations, the Second Avenue mothership. It's certainly one of the niftiest looking places you'll ever eat in, with hand-drawn cartoons dating from as far back as the 20's covering the walls. My steak was a bit on the underwhelming side, a bit too tough for my liking. I guess I was expecting to have my socks knocked off but it didn't happen. It wasn't bad but it wasn't the best either. Not how I remembered it. But of course as the laws of marriage and irony dictate, it turns out that Mrs. Bloggity Blog Blog found their steak sandwich to be the best that she's ever had by a mile. She thought the same about their french fries, and I would have to agree with her on that. Our carrot cake dessert was good and impossibly gigantic.

Morton's - Reader, beware of Morton's. They offer a disgraceful combination of high prices and average (I'm being kind) steaks. I don't expect anything amazing from the chain steakhouses but come on. Lifeless atmosphere, meh steaks, titanic bills. Few if any redeeming qualities other than that when I went it was raining out and at least by being inside I was not getting soaked. Unless you count the bill . . .

How High Taxes Kill Sports Leagues

2009-07-11T22:31:00.002-04:00

They drive away players who can make much more elsewhere. Excessive taxes is a the no good.

Jim Leyritz

2009-07-07T10:48:00.001-04:00

It's all going down the drain for him. Hard to feel bad for him though.

Ring A Ding Ding, It's The Grunge, Dollface

2009-07-06T11:02:00.004-04:00

So last week I found myself receiving liberal doses of adult refreshment at the swank Campbell Apartment. It's in Grand Central Terminal. Very upscale, old-fashioned sort of place, and you won't hear rap or rock in there. Anyway, as I'm sitting there I hear a Rat Pack type version of Smells Like Teen Spirit come on over the sound system. I thought I'd heard it before, and sadly I had though I can't remember why. It's Paul Anka covering Nirvana. Here it is - share my pain

What can one say about this? Nirvana, as influential as they were, were dreadfully bad. When you take crashing drums and all three fuzzy deafening chords away from the lyrics and finally get to hear the words almost spoken instead of shouted, you realize just how bad they were. But on the flip side you have Paul Anka desperately trying to remain relevant by copying the "bad" music from the kids on the street. What a weird moment in music history.

UPDATE** Who can forget this Paul Anka outburst?

For The Last 14 Days, I Have Turned My Cock Repeatedly, But Nothing Comes From It

2009-06-30T10:58:00.004-04:00

So complained an angry customer of the Manhattan Company in 1803 when he found that none of the piped water he was paying them for was reaching his house. What did you think I was talking about?

I suppose not too many of us stop and wonder about the water we use every day. Where is it from, how does it get here, how is it so clean, etc.? Who knows? We mostly just know it's there in massive quantities when we need it. For us New Yorkers, this wasn't always the case. In fact, for a long time Manhattan was well known for having incredibly putrid water, and not even plenty of that. One writer described New York's water situation in The New York Evening Journal:

I have no doubt that one cause of the numerous stomach affections so common in
this city is the impure, I may say poisonous nature of the pernicious Manhattan
water which thousands of us daily and constantly use. It is true the
unpalatableness of this abominable fluid prevents almost every person from using
it as a beverage at the table . . .
. . .Our linen happily escapes the contamination of its touch, for "no two things
hold more antipathy", than soap and this vile water

The genuinely fantastic tale of the history of bringing clean water to New York is told in Water For Gotham: A History, by Gerard Koeppel. Put the iPod and the remote down and get the book. Read the book.

This Sporting Weekend

2009-06-29T11:48:00.006-04:00

Spotted last night sitting behind home plate at the Yankees-Mets game was NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg. Wearing a sweater over his shirt. It was hot as intercoursing hell last night and this guy is wearing a sweater. I suppose humorless automatons don't sweat but come on. Yet another reason to dislike the man.

The US lost a heartbreaker to Brazil yesterday in the Confederations Cup final. The tournament will be remembered not so much for the quality of play as it will be for the awful, hellish drone of the vuvuzella.

The cheap plastic horn that is intrinsic to South African football culture yet turns every match into 90 minutes of sonic agony. These things must - MUST - be banned before the World Cup comes to South Africa next year.

Carlos Tevez is almost certainly off to Manchester City or Chelsea, because he's offended that The Good Guys didn't start him every game. Ahh, such honesty from a player I used to really admire. So when he gets to Middle Eastlands or Stamford Bridge and finds himself waiting to start behind Robinho and Santa Cruz or Drogba and Anelka, will he try to bolt again? Or has this all been some very sad ploy for a payday? I think it's the latter. Really pathetic.

SAF must pry Ibrahimovic away from Inter.

Post 200

2009-06-28T11:53:00.009-04:00

Hey, it's my 200th post. Anyway, a week or so ago I found myself in a bathroom with nothing else to read save for a copy of People magazine. Pretty bad, I know. Well, I saw this picture here and I feel we need to talk about it. Look at this:

No, not the sunglasses you sissy. I had no idea that Billy Ray Cyrus' son was famous - what can I tell you, I don't follow these things. Nowadays it seems that unless you're George Clooney being famous means you have to dress like a cross between a hobo and a 15 year old skateboarder. I'll give Trace Cyrus a break on the clothing because this snippet says he's a 20 year old rocker, which I suppose lets him get away with not wearing big boy clothes. But the hair, people, the hair. What on earth is going on there? Is this considered stylish these days? I guess I don't get "what's with it" because that haircut doesn't seem stylish to me. Rather, it reminds me of . . .

and this . . .

No More Nice Bright Colors, No More Greens Of Summer

2009-06-24T09:18:00.003-04:00

Kodak says goodbye to Kodachrome.

Setanta Loses Its Premiership Matches

2009-06-19T14:10:00.003-04:00

My subscription is instantly rendered worthless since there's no more Premiership and likely no more puppet show. May just be that there'll be no more Setanta soon either.

Conf. Cup Update - Egypt Led To Victory By Homos

2009-06-18T17:55:00.005-04:00

Why are you all laughing? Seriously? Do I have a boogie hanging? Anyway, it was Homos to the rescue for Egypt today . . . what is so funny? Can you stop now, please? Alright, I'm ignoring you. A very solid Egypt beat a lackluster Italy 1-0 on a goal by Mohamed Homos. He headed the ball . . . come on, enough already. That's it. I'm done with you.

Real Profiles In Courage

2009-06-18T12:07:00.004-04:00

The regime in Iran continues in its efforts to brutally stomp out all traces of opposition protest following the recent elections. While the free world meekly averts its gaze and cravenly ignores the millions of Iranians seeking freedom, members of the Iranian soccer team showed much more bravery. Let's remember the faces of the men - it's not altogether unlikely that they'll never be seen again.

To Say She Is Jeremy Guthrie's Biggest Fan Is No Stretch

2009-06-18T10:43:00.003-04:00

So there's this lady that goes to Orioles games and obsessively mimics every motion of Jeremy Guthrie's stretching exercise. I saw her doing this during a Yankees/Orioles series earlier in the year and just figured it was a one off thing. But no - watching MLB Tonight last night on the MLB Network, they talked about her for a minute or so. And it seems she does this all the time. I find it strange - not just because she is standing in the stands doing an extended stretching session - because she does this with no visible mirth or cheer. It's very strange. See for yourself-

Thoughts On Our Modern World

2009-06-17T11:56:00.001-04:00

A very interesting read for those of you consumed by Facebook and the like.

Cue The Apocalypse . . .

2009-06-12T21:44:00.004-04:00

. . . because I'm linking to a great USA Today article on Ronaldo. All across the country tomorrow, people in mediocre hotels will be stunned to see an article of real depth and quality in America's premier national newspaper of mile wide/inch deep coverage. An article on European football (soccer) no less. Anyway, it's good. Read it.

Watching the Yankees host the Mets and I've finally decided it's time for Joba Chamberlain to go back to the bullpen. The dude is just not doing too well as a starter.

What On Earth Is Wrong With Cleveland?

2009-06-12T12:35:00.005-04:00

Anybody catch the highlights of the Royals-Indians game last night? The game ended controversially in the 10th when royals outfielder Coco Crisp was prevented from fielding a ball hit up the middle, thus allowing Cleveland to score the winning run. What stopped him, you wonder? Giant seagulls. A swarm of giant seagulls that had descended on the field during play. The video of the play is ridiculous.

And who can forget when Joba Chamberlain was brutally assaulted by a plague of insects in the 2007 playoffs . . . in Cleveland.

The only thing missing from this picture is Yul Brynner chasing Charlton Heston around in a chariot. This shit just doesn't seem to happen unless it happens in the Old Testament or in Cleveland. Now, any self-respecting person would probably be embarrassed that visitors to their city get attacked by insects or pests. But the Clevelandians, they seem to embrace it, going so far as to have adopted the "Rally Midge" as a sort of team mascot. During the recent Yankees-Indians series in Cleveland - the swarm was back again for this series, by the way - I'm sure I saw a shot of the Cleveland jumbotron showing a graphic called Rally Midges that appeared to have giant bugs crawling on it. Now that's gross.

Add to that the increasing number of Cleveland Browns players who have been struck down by staph infections over the past few years. I think staph infection and I think puss filled blisters, swollen joints, fever, etc.. In other words, something you might associate with a Biblical plague.

Cleveland, OH. Where sports and Biblical plagues meet.

My Favorite Quote So Far About Ronaldo

2009-06-11T20:35:00.003-04:00

From a BBC website article on reactions to Ronaldo's sale . . .

"For another £20m we could buy Newcastle."
Dannyxtra

Moments That Won't Be Repeated Next Year

2009-06-11T09:37:00.006-04:00

After almost two years of "will he won't he" nonsense, Cristiano Ronaldo is packing up his diving board and moving it to Spain. That's a huge loss for us but £80 million is a lot of dough. I hope they spend it wisely, or on the club's massive debt.

And Tevez wasn't impressed when SAF called him personally and asked him to stay - he's likely off anyway.

Things are coming apart just a little bit at Old Trafford, aren't they?

Goodbye Setanta?

2009-06-10T09:18:00.003-04:00

So, Setanta is in trouble. They're defaulting on payments, and will probably have to sell off most of operation. As a result of their defaulting on payments, a number of Scottish Premier League teams that depend on Setanta revenue may go under. Unemployment looms large for many in the Setanta-verse. People out of works, banks empty-handed, investors bankrupted. But what about me? I pay something like $150 a year to access Setanta services online, and I've got something like 2+ months left on my yearly subscription. If they go out of business today, I stand to lose between $25 and $30. Doesn't anybody give a shit about the little guy anymore?

Also, if Setanta goes down, say goodbye to Special One TV. The best Jose Mourinho puppet show in existence. There'll be no more of this . . .

or this . . .

or this . . .

Today In Baseball

2009-06-07T07:07:00.004-04:00

Great Keystone Cops type-double play from last night's Mets game. Cue circus calliope and . . . go.

The Phillies will put rookie pitcher Antonio Bastardo on the mound to face the Dodgers. Bastardo. Can you imagine growing up with that name, the abuse you'd have to endure?

The MLB Network is one of the greatest inventions ever, but Harold Reynolds, I don't know, maybe a little annoying already? Too much with the Sportscenter/Fox Football Sunday yucking it up.

This isn't really from today or this weekend but Jim Caple of ESPN.com had an article a short while ago in which he mentions the Baseball Boogie. I've hesitated to post it because it is painful, absolutely painful, to watch but I'm going to do it anyway and let you suffer as I have. Behold, the 1986 Dodgers and The Baseball Boogie.

Little Bit Of . . . Cisse?

2009-06-06T16:18:00.005-04:00

Is Djibril Cisse - he of the ever changing, ever bizarre hair - attempting to become a spokesman for the New York State Lottery? Certainly seems that way:

Atomic Soccer

2009-06-06T11:16:00.003-04:00

So, we're in the 73rd minute of the North Korea-Iran match on FSC (a taped match, so it appears), and the announcer, who I think is Christian Miles, mentioned that there was a bit of subterfuge going on. No joke. Now Christian is a good presenter but he made a big mistake here. The North Koreans and the Iranians are primarily concerned with centrifuges, not subterfuges. As I'm sure we'll all soon find out the hard way.

Morning

2009-06-05T19:36:00.014-04:00

Good night then: Sleep to gather strength for the morning. For the morning will come. Brightly it will shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn. Viva la France!

-Winston Churchill message to occupied France on October 21, 1940

On June 6, 1944, some 4 years after its fall, morning finally came to France. Tomorrow is the 65th anniversary of that day. When we all wake up tomorrow, let's take a moment to remember the men who risked everything to save our civilization from fascism.

The view from the beaches of once occupied France. Something like 6,500 vessels took part in the invasion of these beaches.

British airborne pathfinders, among the very tip of the spear to be thrust against the enemy, prepare to drop into France.

American paratroopers of the 101st Airborne Division receive a few words from General Eisenhower prior to the invasion. The airborne forces attacking Normandy after midnight on June 6 were, by some estimates, expected to receive up to a 70% casualty rate.

Landing craft doors open and American troops take their first steps into uncertainty at Omaha Beach.

British troops disembark further east.

The butcher's bill at Omaha. Freedom comes dearly.

So, tomorrow, say a prayer for the brave souls who fought and died to preserve our freedom.

And if you are so inclined, watch the World At War episode entitled "Morning", which has no peer among WWII documentaries and inspired this post.

This Day In Baseball

2009-06-04T22:24:00.007-04:00

Today at Nationals Park in our nation's capital, nearly tens of people witnessed mullet enthusiast Randy Johnson

win his 300th game. A significant and rarely achieved milestone for the former New York media darling

but if you're like me you will mostly remember Randy Johnson for this

Harry Shearer On Newt Gingrich

2009-06-03T10:10:00.005-04:00

That is as disgusting an image as one can imagine, right?

Anyway, Harry Shearer thinks that Newt Gingrich is out of ideas. If that's the case - and Harry may just be right - then maybe Harry can get Newt a new job, as a writer for The Simpsons. Talk about having run out of ideas.