Tragic Mirror Shortage Continues To Plague Italy

Livorno's off again on again, often frantic gaffer Serse Cosmi, seen here (in an image owned by Getty Images) today during Livorno's 1-1 draw with the Beckham and McDonaldinho over at the San Siro.

Really, what on earth is going on here? This man is wearing an Irish farmer's hat, Maverick's sunglasses, Clouseau's trench coat dyed black, and a scarf that looks like something I gave the missus for Christmas 3 years ago. I can't even bring myself to comment on the chin music. Makes me proud to be a fashion-proof slob if this is what fashion has come to.

This Is Just Great

They've got nudey butt machines now. Exactly what I need. So I can't even go to an airport without people laughing.

yes, Yes, YEEEESSSSSS!!!

What has taken them this long?

Ah, Kids These Days

Would you just look at these lovable litle scamps from a Russian youth hockey league enjoying life as only kids can.

Makes you all gushy inside, doesn't it?

Miguel Cabrera's On The Clothesline

The Tigers' first baseman has gone through rehab for alcoholism. Insert sound of slide whistle going down here because Cabrera's happy funtime is now . . . OVER! You won't find fun or peace at the bottom of a bottle of apple juice, amigo. You'll mainly just find diarrhea. Anyway, I live by the words a dear friend once told me. Anonymous Blog Writer, he says to me, "I'm not an alcoholic, because alcoholics become quitters and my mother didn't raise any quitters. I'm a drunk."

Assholes Assembllllllllllllllllllle!

They sure did the other day in our embarrassing loss to City. Tevez, Bellamy, and Neville all on the same pitch at the same time! Dick alert! All that was missing was Robbie Savage and Jamie Garragher. Had they been there too, the universe would have exploded.

The Intercoursing Version Of The Big Lebowski

Doesn't get much better than this movie. Here it is stripped of all but the most essential potty mouth moments.

Hair Ye, Hair Ye

Anybody catch the Milan-Genoa match yesterday? The Beckhams made a successful comeback and RonaldILoveMcDonaldsinho scored a goal. The old guard had a good day. It was like being in a time machine already! And speaking of time machines, you'd have to set one back to say, oh, I don't know, 2,000 BC in Egypt to have any chance of looking normal whilst having your head adorned with the following do. Behold . . . the inexplicably weird stylings of Genoa forward Rodrigo Palacio.

Hair Ye, Hair Ye

Marek Hamsik, star midfielder for Napoli and Slovakia, looking sort of like what Kid from Kid 'n Play would look like if he were white.

Peruvian Footballer Kukin Flores - Master Of Deception

Well, at least not when it comes to excuses as to why he was nabbed running naked through the street. This is almost too funny to be true . . .

Iquitos midfielder Kukín Flores: told his wife he'd been stopped by Peruvian police while sprinting naked down a street because "I was being chased by a ghost". Flores later admitted he had actually been out "engaging with dirty ladies", and was then mugged. "I didn't want my wife to be suspicious about ladies so I just told her it was a ghost. She failed to believe me." Flores admitted he had experienced "issues with cocaine" in the past, "but this was nothing like that. I just had a bad day."

Loving it!

Welcome Back!

Hey, I forgot about the blog again. Been busy, what with the new Victoria's Secret catalogs coming out for Christmas and everything. So I was snapped back into blog mode yesterday while watching the Liverpool-Arsenal match. Andrei Arshavin is a player of enormous talent and his contributions to his Arsenal side are already approaching legend after only a year of service to the cause. But what is it about him? The faces he makes in his goal celebrations . . . they're very awkward. They remind me of something. Hmmm. What is it . . . .

Hmmm . . .

Wait a minute . . . I've got it. It's . . . Simple Jack! The problem is that Arshavin is going full tard during these celebrations and that's why they're being mocked. If he only went half tard they'd be critically acclaimed.

Many a shameful head of sporting hair has gone unmocked in my absence but fear not, I shall return later with more!

Joe Girardi - The New Tinkerman

It's beyond frustrating to be a Yankee fan sometimes. You only rarely get to watch a game where your team doesn't use like 7 or 8 pitchers. I used to think Joe Torre had no clue how to manage a bullpen but he has nothing on Joe Girardi. It's like some obsessive compulsive need to tinker. This outrageously annoying habit of Girardi's is brilliantly dissected here.

It's Pouring Outside . . .

. . . but the sun is shining brightly in my heart.

Reader Submissions

Long suffering Norwich fan Andrew from New York writes in regarding Saint Crispin's Day:

"Took 500+ years but the French ultimately won."

Ha! If you take the EU as something of a French invention, then indeed they have.

We Band Of Brothers

Yesterday was St. Crispin's Day.

May it always be that the men of the West stand firm in the face of onslaught, may it always be that we wish not one man more to stand with us, may it always be we know and gladly take our place in the line, may it always be that we beat back the menace before us.

More On This Sporting Weekend

The Yankees get through to the World Series, but otherwise, yack. OK, here we go.

Yankees Post Game Celebration

Like most victory celebrations now, last night's celebration was the usual artificial, orchestrated celebration you come to expect in today's sporting world.

Goggles? Goggles?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? GOGGLES?! Look at these two guys below and ask yourself, how badly would I get my ass kicked if I interrupted the cans of Pabst they were draining and the packs of cigarettes they were smoking to celebrate a World Series victory by asking if they'd like to put on goggles, an official certified 09 ALCS Champion hat and t-shirt, and cover their locker in Saran Wrap so their fancy lad shirts don't get wet.

United-Liverpool And Other Prem Stuff

I have never seen Paul Scholes look so lost. The pace of the game was way past his ability to keep up and he couldn't control the ball. So why WHY was Anderson keeping the bench . . . no, wait, they're not benches, they're more like space age rocket ship seats now . . . warm when Scholes looked so bad? Making matters worse Ryan Giggs became the 36 year old Ryan Giggs again this weekend, replacing the 26 year old Ryan Giggs who had been playing so well the past few weeks.

Look, Liverpool played harder and wanted the win more and so they got the win they deserved. Especially when we can't be bothered to score. That happened because Rooney went missing without adequate service, Berbatov was more concerned with cementing his image as a whining, lazy bum, and the ref was clearly the 12th man on the pitch for Liverpool.

Chelsea gets back in stride by tonking the bejunipers out of Blackburn 5-0. Both Arsenal and Manchester City cough up points they should have easily taken from West Ham and Fulham respectively.

Giants Lose 2 In A Row. Unacceptable.

Yeah, NFL, stuff. Give me a break. Losing to Kurt Warner and the Cardinals at home? And don't give me that "they were in the Superbowl last year" nonsense. Can't ever recollect a worse team stumbling that far. And Warner is like 100 years old. You're telling me we could only manage two sacks on a guy who has all of the mobility of an anvil? Pew.

Javier Zanetti? You Bet-y!

Wacka! Great headline! So he played in his 476th match for Inter, tying the mark for second most matches in Inter history. I no like a the Inter but I like a the Zanetti, because a he play with the respect and fairness and he has a the normal haircut.

United Stink It Up While Andy Cruises

Still processing the level of awful, uninspired football that United played today in their 0-2 loss to Liverpool at Anfield. Despite the fact that they had three legitimate penalties ignored. They were terrible, with Berbatov, Carrick, and Scholes looking particularly putrid. And what, what with the Rio already? These days he gets beat more than the main character in a Lifetime movie. Except there's no happy ending when it happens to him.

Game 6 on now, and may I just take this opportunity to applaud Erik Aybar for getting his dreadlocks successfully removed? He deserves our praise and admiration for making the right decision. Now if he could just get Ervin Santana to shave off that awful chinstrap of his I think I'd like the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim more than I do now.

This Sporting Weekend

We'll have a full wrap up tomorrow after the clash at Anfield and the Spankees win the ALCS. But in the meantime, I must say that today's Birmingham - Sunderland match was notable for one Christian Benitez. On his jersey in place of his name is written his nickname - Chucho. Well, you'd have to be a chooch to have a hairdo like this.

You might not be able to see the detail here but his hair looks like what you'd get if instead of shaving a Batman logo into your fro, like they did back in the 80's, you shaved Mike Tyson's face tattoo into your fro. It wraps around his whole head. Ridiculous.

Music As Torture?

I finally have to agree with the 40 to 50 year old rapidly aging rockers who live in a fantasy world where it's still 1993 and they're still meaningful. Forcing somebody to listen to Nine Inch Nails is torture.

There is nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster - Doctor Evil.

Great Sporting Names

Hulk. He'll smash you.