Criminals, Beware The Long Wedgie Of The Law

It'll get you.

Women's Tennis Association Making A Racket

In Dubai, over the UAE's decision to deny an Israeli player access to the country because, well, because she's an Israeli. So the WTA is threatening to scratch a future tournament in Dubai over the player being denied entry. I will say this - compared to the recent craven actions of many western countries facing somewhat similar situations, The Women's Tennis Association . . . are you ready for this one . . . has got some balls.

Just In Time For Today's Big Press Conference

Newsweek gives us this -

Get it?! Dope? Not Hope? Get it?

Get it?

Too Many Dicks On The Dance Floor

Watch it, quick! From Flight Of The Conchords - one of the funniest shows ever.

International Football - Stinking From The Head

Sepp Blatter, the head of FIFA, has found himself in a new scandal. It's a little different than the standard financial irregularity/little yellow envelope/match-fixing handling/speaking out of his ass scandal that he usually finds himself somehow attached to. It's about a car accident this time. His fine for nearly killing another man in this recent car accident? About $500. Oh, and the police stripped his plates off the car to "protect his right to privacy". Huh? More here.

It Is What It Is

It is what it is. It seems to be in non-stop use of late, mostly by athletes and coaches. Wonderful! The phrase is so devoid of actual meaning that of course it had to become the new most overused phrase in all the land. It's like a verbal emergency exit for people who don't have time for answers or thinking. Great article on it here.

Well, enough of that. It's time for me to get out there and EXECUTE!

Japan Pledges To Halt Production Of Weirdo Porn That Makes People Puke

So says The Onion here. If only it were true.

All The Parts Of The Sopranos That Don't Make It Onto A&E

Simply amazing. Hat tip to The Plank at tnr.com

the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

Heads Are Rolling!

Wow. What a bad day for soccer coaches. First Tony Adams gets the ax from Portsmouth. And who doesn't like Tony Adams, despite his having played for Arsenal? A great defender, except when he missed that final tackle here,



and a very admirable man who won a hard battle against booze and has since helped others with their problems. I feel badly for Tony. I told my friend Terry From Derry that I think Portsmouth threw that game on Saturday. If not, they still played like shit and cost Tony his job. Anyway, he'll be fine.

Now here we see Big Phil Scolari asking for directions out of Stamford Bridge. The guy came in with huge fanfare and he's already out after a few months. Chelsea are currently in fourth, and it is blamed on Scolari. OK. But do you want to know the real reason they're in fourth? No Michael Essien.

And now comes word from Holland that the great Marco Van Basten, former Holland, Ajax, and AC Milan super striker, has gotten a vote of confidence from the board at Ajax. Surely now his coaching days are numbered. Here he is in happier days as a player for Ajax, scoring a typically ridiculous goal.

Why Japan?

Is there a giant pile of money there that is used to pay western celebrities to do bizarre performances or sponsorships of Japanese products? Sort of like Lost In Translation.

Well then, check this feces out, canine. Brian May and Eddie Van Halen doing the weirdest ever soundtrack - to a Japanese faux-Voltron space puppet show. Behold, Starfleet!

Tampon Mona Lisa

Hey, I'm just glad she wasn't a redhead.

You can bid on it here.

Man Charged Over Pigeon Pants

Yes, that's the headline as it appears here. Don't believe me? Well, look at this.

There's something odd about this, isn't there? Like maybe there's a bit more to the story. Why would anybody in their right mind risk doing serious jail time over two pigeons and some seeds? Sounds so impossibly weird that I wonder if it's a prank. Either way, they better get Donger on the case down under.

When Giants Meet, Part I Of A Continuing Series

Mark Messier greets Gary Coleman in the locker room.

Regarding Yesterday's Other Big Game

Was Warner in mid-pass? Was it a fumble? Was a chance at winning the Superbowl stolen from Arizona? Great take on the whole thing here at tnr.com.

Cleated In The Back

Did anybody watch the big game yesterday? I did! Was sort of shocked that Lampard was red carded for a non foul while Jose Bosingwa didn't even get cautioned for this bit of extremely bad sportsmanship -

This picture does no justice to the foul. Bosingwa flat out stomped the base of Yossi Benayoun's spine and nobody said a word. Well, anyway, Bosingwa apologized today. Here's another picture of Bosingwa, after he signed with Chelsea earlier this year.

He came to Chelsea from the Portugese side . . . wait a minute. That's strange. What's wrong with that picture?