Tuesday, June 30, 2009

For The Last 14 Days, I Have Turned My Cock Repeatedly, But Nothing Comes From It

So complained an angry customer of the Manhattan Company in 1803 when he found that none of the piped water he was paying them for was reaching his house. What did you think I was talking about?

I suppose not too many of us stop and wonder about the water we use every day. Where is it from, how does it get here, how is it so clean, etc.? Who knows? We mostly just know it's there in massive quantities when we need it. For us New Yorkers, this wasn't always the case. In fact, for a long time Manhattan was well known for having incredibly putrid water, and not even plenty of that. One writer described New York's water situation in The New York Evening Journal:

I have no doubt that one cause of the numerous stomach affections so common in
this city is the impure, I may say poisonous nature of the pernicious Manhattan
water which thousands of us daily and constantly use. It is true the
unpalatableness of this abominable fluid prevents almost every person from using
it as a beverage at the table . . .

. . .Our linen happily escapes the contamination of its touch, for "no two things
hold more antipathy", than soap and this vile water

The genuinely fantastic tale of the history of bringing clean water to New York is told in Water For Gotham: A History, by Gerard Koeppel. Put the iPod and the remote down and get the book. Read the book.

Monday, June 29, 2009

This Sporting Weekend

Spotted last night sitting behind home plate at the Yankees-Mets game was NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg. Wearing a sweater over his shirt. It was hot as intercoursing hell last night and this guy is wearing a sweater. I suppose humorless automatons don't sweat but come on. Yet another reason to dislike the man.

The US lost a heartbreaker to Brazil yesterday in the Confederations Cup final. The tournament will be remembered not so much for the quality of play as it will be for the awful, hellish drone of the vuvuzella.

The cheap plastic horn that is intrinsic to South African football culture yet turns every match into 90 minutes of sonic agony. These things must - MUST - be banned before the World Cup comes to South Africa next year.

Carlos Tevez is almost certainly off to Manchester City or Chelsea, because he's offended that The Good Guys didn't start him every game. Ahh, such honesty from a player I used to really admire. So when he gets to Middle Eastlands or Stamford Bridge and finds himself waiting to start behind Robinho and Santa Cruz or Drogba and Anelka, will he try to bolt again? Or has this all been some very sad ploy for a payday? I think it's the latter. Really pathetic.

SAF must pry Ibrahimovic away from Inter.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Post 200

Hey, it's my 200th post. Anyway, a week or so ago I found myself in a bathroom with nothing else to read save for a copy of People magazine. Pretty bad, I know. Well, I saw this picture here and I feel we need to talk about it. Look at this:

No, not the sunglasses you sissy. I had no idea that Billy Ray Cyrus' son was famous - what can I tell you, I don't follow these things. Nowadays it seems that unless you're George Clooney being famous means you have to dress like a cross between a hobo and a 15 year old skateboarder. I'll give Trace Cyrus a break on the clothing because this snippet says he's a 20 year old rocker, which I suppose lets him get away with not wearing big boy clothes. But the hair, people, the hair. What on earth is going on there? Is this considered stylish these days? I guess I don't get "what's with it" because that haircut doesn't seem stylish to me. Rather, it reminds me of . . .

and this . . .

and this . . .

Friday, June 19, 2009

Setanta Loses Its Premiership Matches

My subscription is instantly rendered worthless since there's no more Premiership and likely no more puppet show. May just be that there'll be no more Setanta soon either.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Conf. Cup Update - Egypt Led To Victory By Homos

Why are you all laughing? Seriously? Do I have a boogie hanging? Anyway, it was Homos to the rescue for Egypt today . . . what is so funny? Can you stop now, please? Alright, I'm ignoring you. A very solid Egypt beat a lackluster Italy 1-0 on a goal by Mohamed Homos. He headed the ball . . . come on, enough already. That's it. I'm done with you.

Real Profiles In Courage

The regime in Iran continues in its efforts to brutally stomp out all traces of opposition protest following the recent elections. While the free world meekly averts its gaze and cravenly ignores the millions of Iranians seeking freedom, members of the Iranian soccer team showed much more bravery. Let's remember the faces of the men - it's not altogether unlikely that they'll never be seen again.

To Say She Is Jeremy Guthrie's Biggest Fan Is No Stretch

So there's this lady that goes to Orioles games and obsessively mimics every motion of Jeremy Guthrie's stretching exercise. I saw her doing this during a Yankees/Orioles series earlier in the year and just figured it was a one off thing. But no - watching MLB Tonight last night on the MLB Network, they talked about her for a minute or so. And it seems she does this all the time. I find it strange - not just because she is standing in the stands doing an extended stretching session - because she does this with no visible mirth or cheer. It's very strange. See for yourself-

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009

Cue The Apocalypse . . .

. . . because I'm linking to a great USA Today article on Ronaldo. All across the country tomorrow, people in mediocre hotels will be stunned to see an article of real depth and quality in America's premier national newspaper of mile wide/inch deep coverage. An article on European football (soccer) no less. Anyway, it's good. Read it.

Watching the Yankees host the Mets and I've finally decided it's time for Joba Chamberlain to go back to the bullpen. The dude is just not doing too well as a starter.

What On Earth Is Wrong With Cleveland?

Anybody catch the highlights of the Royals-Indians game last night? The game ended controversially in the 10th when royals outfielder Coco Crisp was prevented from fielding a ball hit up the middle, thus allowing Cleveland to score the winning run. What stopped him, you wonder? Giant seagulls. A swarm of giant seagulls that had descended on the field during play. The video of the play is ridiculous.

And who can forget when Joba Chamberlain was brutally assaulted by a plague of insects in the 2007 playoffs . . . in Cleveland.

The only thing missing from this picture is Yul Brynner chasing Charlton Heston around in a chariot. This shit just doesn't seem to happen unless it happens in the Old Testament or in Cleveland. Now, any self-respecting person would probably be embarrassed that visitors to their city get attacked by insects or pests. But the Clevelandians, they seem to embrace it, going so far as to have adopted the "Rally Midge" as a sort of team mascot. During the recent Yankees-Indians series in Cleveland - the swarm was back again for this series, by the way - I'm sure I saw a shot of the Cleveland jumbotron showing a graphic called Rally Midges that appeared to have giant bugs crawling on it. Now that's gross.

Add to that the increasing number of Cleveland Browns players who have been struck down by staph infections over the past few years. I think staph infection and I think puss filled blisters, swollen joints, fever, etc.. In other words, something you might associate with a Biblical plague.

Cleveland, OH. Where sports and Biblical plagues meet.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

My Favorite Quote So Far About Ronaldo

From a BBC website article on reactions to Ronaldo's sale . . .

"For another £20m we could buy Newcastle."

Moments That Won't Be Repeated Next Year

After almost two years of "will he won't he" nonsense, Cristiano Ronaldo is packing up his diving board and moving it to Spain. That's a huge loss for us but £80 million is a lot of dough. I hope they spend it wisely, or on the club's massive debt.

And Tevez wasn't impressed when SAF called him personally and asked him to stay - he's likely off anyway.

Things are coming apart just a little bit at Old Trafford, aren't they?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Goodbye Setanta?

So, Setanta is in trouble. They're defaulting on payments, and will probably have to sell off most of operation. As a result of their defaulting on payments, a number of Scottish Premier League teams that depend on Setanta revenue may go under. Unemployment looms large for many in the Setanta-verse. People out of works, banks empty-handed, investors bankrupted. But what about me? I pay something like $150 a year to access Setanta services online, and I've got something like 2+ months left on my yearly subscription. If they go out of business today, I stand to lose between $25 and $30. Doesn't anybody give a shit about the little guy anymore?

Also, if Setanta goes down, say goodbye to Special One TV. The best Jose Mourinho puppet show in existence. There'll be no more of this . . .

or this . . .

or this . . .

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Today In Baseball

Great Keystone Cops type-double play from last night's Mets game. Cue circus calliope and . . . go.

The Phillies will put rookie pitcher Antonio Bastardo on the mound to face the Dodgers. Bastardo. Can you imagine growing up with that name, the abuse you'd have to endure?

The MLB Network is one of the greatest inventions ever, but Harold Reynolds, I don't know, maybe a little annoying already? Too much with the Sportscenter/Fox Football Sunday yucking it up.

This isn't really from today or this weekend but Jim Caple of ESPN.com had an article a short while ago in which he mentions the Baseball Boogie. I've hesitated to post it because it is painful, absolutely painful, to watch but I'm going to do it anyway and let you suffer as I have. Behold, the 1986 Dodgers and The Baseball Boogie.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Little Bit Of . . . Cisse?

Is Djibril Cisse - he of the ever changing, ever bizarre hair - attempting to become a spokesman for the New York State Lottery? Certainly seems that way:

Atomic Soccer

So, we're in the 73rd minute of the North Korea-Iran match on FSC (a taped match, so it appears), and the announcer, who I think is Christian Miles, mentioned that there was a bit of subterfuge going on. No joke. Now Christian is a good presenter but he made a big mistake here. The North Koreans and the Iranians are primarily concerned with centrifuges, not subterfuges. As I'm sure we'll all soon find out the hard way.

Friday, June 5, 2009


Good night then: Sleep to gather strength for the morning. For the morning will come. Brightly it will shine on the brave and true, kindly upon all who suffer for the cause, glorious upon the tombs of heroes. Thus will shine the dawn. Viva la France!

-Winston Churchill message to occupied France on October 21, 1940

On June 6, 1944, some 4 years after its fall, morning finally came to France. Tomorrow is the 65th anniversary of that day. When we all wake up tomorrow, let's take a moment to remember the men who risked everything to save our civilization from fascism.

The view from the beaches of once occupied France. Something like 6,500 vessels took part in the invasion of these beaches.

British airborne pathfinders, among the very tip of the spear to be thrust against the enemy, prepare to drop into France.

American paratroopers of the 101st Airborne Division receive a few words from General Eisenhower prior to the invasion. The airborne forces attacking Normandy after midnight on June 6 were, by some estimates, expected to receive up to a 70% casualty rate.

Landing craft doors open and American troops take their first steps into uncertainty at Omaha Beach.

British troops disembark further east.

The butcher's bill at Omaha. Freedom comes dearly.

So, tomorrow, say a prayer for the brave souls who fought and died to preserve our freedom.

And if you are so inclined, watch the World At War episode entitled "Morning", which has no peer among WWII documentaries and inspired this post.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

This Day In Baseball

Today at Nationals Park in our nation's capital, nearly tens of people witnessed mullet enthusiast Randy Johnson

win his 300th game. A significant and rarely achieved milestone for the former New York media darling

but if you're like me you will mostly remember Randy Johnson for this

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Harry Shearer On Newt Gingrich

That is as disgusting an image as one can imagine, right?

Anyway, Harry Shearer thinks that Newt Gingrich is out of ideas. If that's the case - and Harry may just be right - then maybe Harry can get Newt a new job, as a writer for The Simpsons. Talk about having run out of ideas.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Major League Pitcher Or Frontier Lawman?

Hats off to Clay Zavada, Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher and facial hair enthusiast. He is rocking the Rollie Fingers wax tip stache! Having recently gone through a very public and very embarrassing failure to grow a mustache of my own, I can only look on in envy and say Well Done, Sir, Well Done.

Like this!

And this!

Government Motors

Here's a quick question - how many people do you know who have purchased a new Pontiac, a Hummer (the car kind, you animals, get your minds out of the gutter), a Saturn, a GMC, a Cadillac, or a Buick, within the last 5 years ? Do you know more people who have purchased Hondas, or Toyotas? If so, is it because, on average, Hondas and Toyotas are cheaper, more reliable, and get better gas mileage?

I can't think of too many people who have purchased one of the above mentioned American brands recently. Almost everybody buys Hondas and Toyotas these days and why not? They are better products. Given the choice in a free market, people are not going to spend more for a lesser product. Up until now, that is. Americans are buying less and less GM automobiles these days, and so GM got into trouble (profound corporate incompetence + outrageously overcompensated workers = failing company), so what does old Barry do? He buys the company with your money! The same money you wouldn't waste to buy some shitty Pontiac or an environment smashing Hummer is the same money you'll be paying in taxes to buy the company that made these shit products in the first place.

Wake up, everybody. WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUP! Our government is running amok with our money. Money we don't even have. If you thought W rang up the national debt badly then just wait to see what it looks like when Obama gets through with it. Sorry, I know, I criticized Him, but folks, he deserves it. And you know what, the time has long since passed where using the, "yeah, well, like, Bush was like an idiot and stuff, and he did really, like, bad things" type responses to any criticisms of Obama are tolerable. I really wanted this guy to work out but he is leading us to economic disaster.