Thursday, October 29, 2009

Joe Girardi - The New Tinkerman

It's beyond frustrating to be a Yankee fan sometimes. You only rarely get to watch a game where your team doesn't use like 7 or 8 pitchers. I used to think Joe Torre had no clue how to manage a bullpen but he has nothing on Joe Girardi. It's like some obsessive compulsive need to tinker. This outrageously annoying habit of Girardi's is brilliantly dissected here.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Reader Submissions

Long suffering Norwich fan Andrew from New York writes in regarding Saint Crispin's Day:

"Took 500+ years but the French ultimately won."

Ha! If you take the EU as something of a French invention, then indeed they have.

Monday, October 26, 2009

We Band Of Brothers

Yesterday was St. Crispin's Day.

May it always be that the men of the West stand firm in the face of onslaught, may it always be that we wish not one man more to stand with us, may it always be we know and gladly take our place in the line, may it always be that we beat back the menace before us.

More On This Sporting Weekend

The Yankees get through to the World Series, but otherwise, yack. OK, here we go.

Yankees Post Game Celebration

Like most victory celebrations now, last night's celebration was the usual artificial, orchestrated celebration you come to expect in today's sporting world.
Goggles? Goggles?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? GOGGLES?! Look at these two guys below and ask yourself, how badly would I get my ass kicked if I interrupted the cans of Pabst they were draining and the packs of cigarettes they were smoking to celebrate a World Series victory by asking if they'd like to put on goggles, an official certified 09 ALCS Champion hat and t-shirt, and cover their locker in Saran Wrap so their fancy lad shirts don't get wet.

United-Liverpool And Other Prem Stuff

I have never seen Paul Scholes look so lost. The pace of the game was way past his ability to keep up and he couldn't control the ball. So why WHY was Anderson keeping the bench . . . no, wait, they're not benches, they're more like space age rocket ship seats now . . . warm when Scholes looked so bad? Making matters worse Ryan Giggs became the 36 year old Ryan Giggs again this weekend, replacing the 26 year old Ryan Giggs who had been playing so well the past few weeks.

Look, Liverpool played harder and wanted the win more and so they got the win they deserved. Especially when we can't be bothered to score. That happened because Rooney went missing without adequate service, Berbatov was more concerned with cementing his image as a whining, lazy bum, and the ref was clearly the 12th man on the pitch for Liverpool.
Chelsea gets back in stride by tonking the bejunipers out of Blackburn 5-0. Both Arsenal and Manchester City cough up points they should have easily taken from West Ham and Fulham respectively.

Giants Lose 2 In A Row. Unacceptable.

Yeah, NFL, stuff. Give me a break. Losing to Kurt Warner and the Cardinals at home? And don't give me that "they were in the Superbowl last year" nonsense. Can't ever recollect a worse team stumbling that far. And Warner is like 100 years old. You're telling me we could only manage two sacks on a guy who has all of the mobility of an anvil? Pew.

Javier Zanetti? You Bet-y!

Wacka! Great headline! So he played in his 476th match for Inter, tying the mark for second most matches in Inter history. I no like a the Inter but I like a the Zanetti, because a he play with the respect and fairness and he has a the normal haircut.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

United Stink It Up While Andy Cruises

Still processing the level of awful, uninspired football that United played today in their 0-2 loss to Liverpool at Anfield. Despite the fact that they had three legitimate penalties ignored. They were terrible, with Berbatov, Carrick, and Scholes looking particularly putrid. And what, what with the Rio already? These days he gets beat more than the main character in a Lifetime movie. Except there's no happy ending when it happens to him.

Game 6 on now, and may I just take this opportunity to applaud Erik Aybar for getting his dreadlocks successfully removed? He deserves our praise and admiration for making the right decision. Now if he could just get Ervin Santana to shave off that awful chinstrap of his I think I'd like the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim more than I do now.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

This Sporting Weekend

We'll have a full wrap up tomorrow after the clash at Anfield and the Spankees win the ALCS. But in the meantime, I must say that today's Birmingham - Sunderland match was notable for one Christian Benitez. On his jersey in place of his name is written his nickname - Chucho. Well, you'd have to be a chooch to have a hairdo like this.

You might not be able to see the detail here but his hair looks like what you'd get if instead of shaving a Batman logo into your fro, like they did back in the 80's, you shaved Mike Tyson's face tattoo into your fro. It wraps around his whole head. Ridiculous.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Music As Torture?

I finally have to agree with the 40 to 50 year old rapidly aging rockers who live in a fantasy world where it's still 1993 and they're still meaningful. Forcing somebody to listen to Nine Inch Nails is torture.

There is nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster - Doctor Evil.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Brett Gardner In The Playoffs

Ohhh, come on!!!! Are you kidding me? Gardner thrown out again? His base running during the playoffs has been the sporting equivalent of buying your wife plastic roses and a can of Pledge for Valentine's Day. No scoring for you!

What's With These Umps?

Now watching the comedy that is Game 4 of the ALCS, and I have to say this game has seen more blown calls than any game I can ever recollect seeing. Cano at home, Swisher at second, Swisher at third, and whatever the hell that was that just happened at third base with Posada and Cabrera. Watching these umps at work has been, to paraphrase the great Patches O'Houlihan from Dodgeball, like watching a bunch of retards try to fuck a doorknob.

Cristo Redentor/Christo Redemptor

A great rare gem from back in the 60's (. . .man). Charlie Musselwhite's (then known as Charley Musselwhite) Christo Redemptor. The original first appeared on Donald Byrd's quirky, sort of avant garde classic A New Perspective, though the song was then called Cristo Redentor. You may remember the song from A Bronx Tale. Or maybe not. I don't know. The movie hasn't seemed to be too kind to the people that were in it. You got Calogero who wound up being involved in the death of a cop, Jane who wound up doing local cable commercials where she doesn't even have a speaking part, and Chaz Palminteri who is doing, well, actually I don't know what the hell he's been doing since he dropped that coffee cup in The Ususal Suspects. Anyway, I'm sidetracking. Without further ado, Charlie Musselwhite's, though at the time Charley Musselwhite's, Christo Redemptor, not Cristo Redentor.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Welcome Back

. . .to me! Hi everybody! I was totally super upset to be away for a while, but now I'm back to ruin your day. Where to begin? How about with . . .

The Yankees

Loving it, absolutely loving it. Looks like we'll be buying, er, winning another championship. But what I'm not loving are these retarded start times for the games. What child caught the end of that Game 2? I'm a grown up, with a chest full of rich, manly hair, and I couldn't even make it past the 8th inning. MLB, give us a break and start the games earlier. Also, what's with these Holden Caulfield hats?

I know it was cold, but was it that cold? If this had been a football game in Green Bay, I think the players would have thought it was the global warming happening to them, what with the balminess. Hey, at least this hat isn't as menacing as Robinson Cano's balaclava.

Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph, boyo! Is this an IRA sniper or our second baseman?

Down Goes Giampaolo Pazzini!

The Lazio - Sampdoria match yesterday was unusually physical, especially given the number of ladies' headbands on the pitch (come on, men of Italy, really). And in what became a very physical match by far the most physical moment was when Giampaolo Pazzini got his nose broken by Lazio goalkeeper Fernando Muslera. This was straight out of a comic book. Pazzini goes up for a header in the box and Muslera, flying through the air like Superman, throws a haymaker to knock the ball away. But, mamma mia, instead he make a the hit on Pazzini's face, and a Pazzini he get a the broke nose. It was incredible. To his credit, Pazzini got up quickly and walked off the pitch but now he's out for a few weeks.

Life At The Top

Boy oh boy, what a weekend for United! Chelsea and Liverpool both drink deeply from the cup of embarrassing failure, and City barely get a point off of Wigan (who had a perfectly legitimate goal called off, by the way). Sooo, the good guys go back on top. And may I just take back the things I've said about Giggsy at the start of the year, because he's playing ridiculous football right now. In attempting to cover Giggs, the Bolton defense got more twisted than Willie Nelson at a hemp festival.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Thoughts On The Twins-Tigers One Game Playoff Last Night

What a game! Crazy though, that Tigers' coaching staff. See any shots of them? Mother of mercy, what's on the menu in the coaches' room? Mallomars and deep fried Crisco? Aside from Jim Leyland, who looks like he's one stiff wind away from a broken hip, there's a few coaches on that bench who look like they wouldn't budge in a tornado. Guys, guys, guys, you're coaching athletes. For God's sake, put down the peanut butter and banana sandwich and try salad. You'll thank me later.


Just because it's Wednesday and I love you. Behold, Eric himself, in all his glory. Cocky bastard. We could use a bit of that now.

Michel Platini - The Brilliantest Most Person Ever

Well he must be, right? How else could he so frequently astound the world with his God-like nuggets of wisdom? Like his latest - that soccer can bring peace to the mideast. He says soccer promotes "peace, tolerance and friendship." So, can we please just give the Israeli settlers and Hamas militiamen some soccer balls already? That should solve about 4,000 years of bloody dispute over the area.

Anyway, here's some footage of Michel Platini celebrating his famous winning goal for Juventus against Liverpool in the 85 European Cup Final.

That he's celebrating like this proves that soccer brings peace and happiness. Why? Because just an hour or two before the match, in the stadium, for all there to witness, 39 supporters of Juventus died and hundreds were injured in savage rioting. But then the game finally started and poof! all the bad stuff stopped and everything was betterer!

Soccer's ability to promote peace, tolerance, and friendship. It's like magic I tell you. Magic.

Ireland Not Up For Ireland

Ba dump dump.

So Stephen Ireland makes it totally super official that he will not be playing for Trappatoni's Ireland squad. We've discussed Stephen Ireland here before and his story still fascinates me. Because rumors are that the real reason he left the national team was on account of . . . being ridiculed by his teammates for his hair plugs/wig/transplant/toup. Who can say if it's true, but if it is, that's just about the funniest thing you'll ever hear.

Remember when footballers didn't give a poop about thinning hair?

Monday, October 5, 2009

Get Your Oktoberfest On!

This Sporting Weekend

Where to begin? Ah, with United. What an incredibly subpar performance. It happens from time to time, but again, the culprit in my eyes is Ben "Jell-O Mould" Foster. He is incredibly shaky between the posts and I think his time is almost up.

Old SAF lashed out after the match but he chose the wrong target. Contrary to SAF's suggestion, United's performance had nothing to do with the fitness of the ref. It may have something to do with his insistence on starting Scholes and Nani and not letting Anderson develop. The midfield has been mostly underwhelming this year. It's looking like Fletcher and Anderson should be the only midfielders guaranteed a start.

Roma Resurgent!

Francesco Totti, seemingly back in peak form, led Roma to victory against Napoli. Is there a more underrated player in Italy than Totti? I'm starting to believe him when he says that he gets no love from the media because he is a southern Italian. The guy is best Italian-born player in the world, in my opinion. Anyway, Roma is now incredibly only 5 points out of the top spot.

October In New York

It's good to have it back! Hoping the Yankees get the Twins and not the Tigers. Yesterday was notable for the appearance of George himself! The Big Stein dropped in on the team and watched the game. I hate to sound like a dick here but isn't he becoming slightly Kim Jong-Ilish? The increasingly reclusive leader of an evil empire, he almost never appears in public anymore and when he does he looks like he's struggling under the weight of novelty sized sunglasses. It seems to me, and all sorts of reports abound to confirm, that the guy is sick. I wonder why anybody feels the need to expose his condition to the public.

Killjoy Watch

What kind of society is this becoming? No smoking in your own apartment? It only takes a handful of killjoys to f*** everything up for the rest of us. I wish judges and juries were comprised entirely of guys like the cab driver from Old School.

Friday, October 2, 2009