Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Speaking Of Celebrity Causes . . .

I notice that Tilda Swinton is among the list of celebrities who are proud to support a man who anally raped an underage girl and then fled punishment.

Tilda also features in the classic "Stand Up To Cancer" commercial (extended version here, I refuse to post it because I would not sully such purposeful art by putting it on my site). Have you seen it? A variety of celebrities (Tilda, Mike Bloomberg, Lance Armstrong, etc) confidently rise from their seats and stand up. They're not standing up to terrorists, or North Korea, or anything like that. That's for pussies. No, they're standing up to cancer. These brave mother******s are risking it all to push back against naturally occurring yet dangerous forms of cell division. They've had enough of it, and now they are going to kick the living shit out of cancer. Next on the list for a celebrity beatdown . . . plate tectonics. Look out, uncontrollable act of nature, Hollywood is about to drop the atomic elbow on your noggin.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Polanski Won't Like It In Prison When It's His Ass Getting It

So you've heard about Roman Polanski, yeah? Just a brief note on this - a bunch of the Hollywood elite, whose sophistication and talent has allowed them to transcend the mere humanity that we slobs labor through, have signed petitions in his defense.

That's quite a list. I hope you remember those names the next time you're thinking about paying money to see the movies these people put out. They support a guy who drugged and then raped an underage girl.

Monday, September 28, 2009 Headline Generating Game

Have you ever gone to and thought, "my God, these are the most interchangeable headlines ever"? Well, now you too can randomly create headlines for Sky Sports! Simply mix and match and voila! - a headline that can appear any day. And usually does.

Pick 1 - SAF, Terry, Rooney, Rafa, Redknapp, Mourinho,

Add 1 - hails, wary of, rues, warns against, concern over, defends

Add 1 - Blues, decision, supporters, fitness, current form, challenge

Random headline is created!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

More On Vagner Love

You know what would be pretty cool? If Palmeiras hired the guy who used to do the announcements for ABC back in the day to announce Vagner Love. Remember that guy (Ernie Anderson)? "Tonight, on the ABC Sunday Night movie, Sean Connery is . . . James Bond". But he was best at doing Love Boat intros. Tonight, on the Love Boat . . .".

"Starting tonight for Palmeiras . . . Wagner Looove".

Saturday, September 26, 2009


Found myself with much more free time than anitcipated today, so I got to catch some Brazilian football. League leaders Palmeiras defeated Paranaense. The winning goal was scored by, yes, Vagner Love, formerly of CSKA Moscow (this guy must have some passport). What names these Brazilian soccer players have! If I told somebody my name was Vagner Love, they'd laugh at me. But if I picked up a soccer ball, put on a Brazil jersey, and said my name was Vagner Love, or even, ohhhh, I don't know . . . KAKA!, nobody would blink. Anyway, this guy has got a fearsome looking hairdo. I wonder how it's even allowed. Looks like it would hurt you like a mother****** if you got whipped with it.

Jeter For Mayor

Is he running for Mayor of Baseball Town? I'm just wondering, because every time I watch the Yankees he seems to be doing the glad-handing, saying hi to everybody in the room politician thing. Even today, against the Sawx! For a moment it looked like Jeter and Youkilis were having such a good time that they were going to walk off the field and grab a beer. I'm not saying he should be a dick and be an a-hole to opposition players, but would it kill it him to refrain from yucking it up with the other team as much as he does?

Scholes . . . Again

This time, two handballs at once in the box and no call. Whew! I just can't figure Scholes out. Has nobody ever told him he cannot touch the ball with his hands?


Was the second half of Portsmouth-Everton the second half of a soccer match or the final assault on the Legion fort in Beau Geste. Wowza! Portsmouth didn't get any points out of a lung-busting effort that, if they gave points for effort, they clearly deserved 3 points for. Everton wins 1-0, but what a cracker of a match.

And . . . Robbie Mustoe's girlfriend was behind the camera at ESPN again. The jealousy was on display as the fabulous Miss Georgie (Bada) Bingham was again filmed from a maximum nearness of about 50 ft. Robbie Mustoe got close-ups galore though, like shots out of Fantastic Voyage. And Tommy Smyth dropped an onion bag line. Oof.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A Note To Our Reader

In an effort to gain readers, spread our word, and get some new perspectives, I may be having some additional bloggers come aboard. Perhaps quite soon.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Cornrow Plague Season Returns

Like the flu, the dreaded cornrow virus has returned this fall with a vengence. For those of you with a weak stomach, I ask you to turn away now. Those hardier souls among you may proceed and witness the horrors of the cornrow.

Like the heartbreak of psoriasis, cornrows are making Glen Johnson an outcast in the football world. That and his cockup against Slovenia. Anyway, his infection dictates that he must try harder than the others to make friends. Here, he blows kisses to his mark in a frankly awkward attempt to win friends.

The always oddly-coiffed David James has been infected again. This one isn't one of the worst but it's bad. It's got Bronx-style scalp-line crafting, sideways cornrows, and then some weird pigtail in the back. Our heart goes out to him. His condition appears to be terminal.

Frederic Piqionne and his Formula 1 track inspired hair tussle . . . with . . . oh. Oh my. Well, let's move on then.

Benoit Assou Ekotto, why?

So I know what you're thinking - the problem is limited to footballers on teams that will not seriously contend for the Premier League title so I don;t have to worry. Well, you're wrong, buddy. The problem is here now. It has spread across the ocean and beyond sports. See here.

It has infected the Philadelphia Police Department. God help us.

Sol Campbell Leaves Notts County After Only One Game

He's leaving the League One side because it's just not for him.

You know what? I can't blame him.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

The Match That Time Forgot

So that was some derby, eh? The good guys came out on top. Hooray! And a really enjoyable game to boot. Who needs that Portugeezer when Fletcher is playing like this?

But it must be said, even as a United guy, that there was perhaps just a pinch more extra time at the end than there should have been.

No Love For Tevez

This guy has got to be as dumb as a sack full of hammers. He thought he was going to be cheered by United's fans? You make a huge stink about how much you love these fans and then you ditch out for more money? Honestly, is this the most poorly advised, most thick-headed player ever? I guess you could say that about two or three Manchester City strikers, but Tevez, wow, the guy needs a muzzle and a PR class, stat.

Friday, September 18, 2009

The Firm

So there's a new movie coming out called The Firm. As you may have guessed from the title, it's about soccer hooliganism. England in the 80's. I haven't seen the movie (it's not even been released here yet) so I can't comment on it, but I hope it doesn't glamorize the whole hooligan scene. There are tons of autobiographies and movies of firm members that seem to do just that. But if you have to read just one book about that scene, read Among The Thugs, by Bill Buford. Jaw dropping stuff.

Sadly, hooliganism still rears its ugly head from time to time.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Speaking Of Greens

Because I'm feeling generous today, I leave you with Part 1 (of 12) of The Peter Green Story. If you don't know who Peter Green is, then you should be beaten with a stick*. Green, like Syd Barrett, was an awesomely gifted talent but he couldn't quite handle the scene and burned out too quickly. So, edjermocate yourselves and watch all 12 episodes.

*this holds true for Peter Green the historian as well. His work on Alexander The Great is without peer.

New HTADB HOF Inductee - Robert Green

Robert Green, keeper for West Ham, you are hereby officially entered into the HTADB Hall Of Fame. Why? Because you have recommended that children read The Iliad.

What a great thing to see. A modern athlete recognizing the worth of the greatest book (as it currently exists, though initially it was more of a song) ever there was. A book that's certainly full of blood and guts, but a book about dedication, friendship, the will to act, and what it means to stand fast when others break.

Ross Turnbull, you get Honorable Mention for picking Blessed by our dear old Georgie Best.

As frankly honest and moving a sporting autobiography as you're ever likely to find.

Boxers - Before And After

A very interesting little series of photographs.

Reader Submission

Loyal reader J.F. in Perth, Australia writes to tell me about this Australian Rules Football player who comes into his bar all the time and who owns this whopper of a sporting hairdo.

Saints preserve us!. This is fantastic. It is both space age and ancient. If this fellow had stepped out of a time machine, I wouldn't be sure if he was from olden days or the future. But, it looks way too complicated for me. Seems there's a hairbrush and dryer involved and that fails my "does this haircut require more than just my fingers to maintain?" test.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Saturday Review

What's going on here in ESPN's broadcast of the Liverpool-Burnley match? Why this unbelievably gay policy of not showing any close-ups of the very yummy Georgie (Bada)Bingham but relentless tight shots of Robbie Mustoe? The camera will shoot from 30 feet away as Georgie asks a question, then zoom in for a nose hair count shot on Robbie when he answers. What is this, Bravo?


He got the big hit last night. After the 2 minute delay in which all the Yankees came out to congratulate him and the fans applauded, the Orioles pitcher tried to pick Jeter off at first. Lots of boos in the Stadium but I think it was good baseball. You're there to win the game and Jeter was probably not 100% focused. He's probably got a lot on his mind these days.


I know it's too early in the season to get super concerned about this but Roma is at the bottom of the Serie A table, and they look like they belong there. Two or three years ago, only Arsenal was playing more beautiful football than Roma. Now it's all going to pot. They'll snap out of it and get back to respectability but those glory days appear to be kaput.

The Ginger Ninja Sees Red, Episode #5,237

Paul Scholes must be cursed like some figure from mythology. Though gifted with rarely encountered passing ability and vision, he has obviously offended a football deity who has subsequently punished Scholes by making him perhaps the worst tackler ever. He was sent off early in the second half today against Spurs after one of the most awkwardly hard to believe tackles you'll ever see. And of course, it was his second. Hey, at least it wasn't a handball this time.

The Rooney!

On fire today. Absolutely a team unto himself. Working alone up front, he ran enough to essentially negate United's being a man down. Sensational stuff, and I think we'll see what he's all about this year. He's never been allowed to be the tip of the spear before and now that he is watch out. Oh, and Anderson scored today. SAF has got to play this guy every match. He's got the potential to dominate the midfield for years to come.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Best Commercial Ever?

Perhaps, if you're a footie fan. My how the teams have changed though!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Brazil Day

At least here in NY it is. One million Brazilians - wearing far more clothing than I had expected - and Brazil lovers came to midtown to celebrate what has got to be the funnest, happiest culture on earth. So I thought this is as good an opportunity as any to drop a little Joao Gilberto on you. This is Brazil's signature sound from its signature artist.

Very Fishy Indeed

So, I recently read a magnificent book called The Fix, by investigative journalist Declan Hill. It's a real eye-opener, and it goes into tremendously saddening detail regarding the match fixing that goes on in soccer - all over the world. It's hard to ever watch the game the same way after reading it because it makes you paranoid. Every bad play, every goal that really should have been saved, suspicious own goals, they all make you think twice.

So that's why when I saw that Italy beat Georgia 2-0 yesterday in a World Cup qualifying match, and that both goals were own goals, and both own goals were put in by the SAME PLAYER, who just happens to play in Italy for AC Milan, I said to myself, "self, hmmmmm, this seems very fishy indeed".

Those Straight Laced, Puritanical Dutch

I stopped by the Dutch exhibition in Bowling Green park on Friday. Holland had sponsored this sort of mini-Dutch village set up to promote their nation. I went in the far off hope that two things would be present. Beer and naked ladies in shop windows. Goes without saying but neither was there. And for you stoners out there, there wasn't even a hash brownie stand. Very strange. Were the tiny slivers of Dutch cheese, wooden shoes, and tulip bulbs really the best bait the Dutch could find to lure people to their country?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Bad News For Chelsea

This is hard to believe but if it sticks it's very bad news for Chelsea. They've been banned from signing any new players for the next two transfer windows. And it's an aging team too. Wow. Potentially devastating stuff.


I loves me the footie, yet I never play. Age, poor habits, etc.. So as an increasingly rotund fellow who gets winded even looking at a checker board, let alone a pitch, I found this little story amazing. Getting your legged blown off by a landmine, recovering, and then playing soccer again? That's something. Despite the fact that the narrator sounds like an African man who has learned to speak impeccable English in a gay Dublin nightclub, I like this story.

If the video player doesn't work, click here to watch.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Beans Don't Burn On The Grill

And it took a who-ole lot of tuh-rye-ing, for New Zealand striker Kris Bright just to get up that hill.

Sometimes when you get a bit jaded by sports and pampered athletes, it's nice to see a story like this. Sheer determination.

Also, it's rare you find a story that mentions both Manchester United and Shrewsbury Town.