Miguel Cabrera's On The Clothesline

The Tigers' first baseman has gone through rehab for alcoholism. Insert sound of slide whistle going down here because Cabrera's happy funtime is now . . . OVER! You won't find fun or peace at the bottom of a bottle of apple juice, amigo. You'll mainly just find diarrhea. Anyway, I live by the words a dear friend once told me. Anonymous Blog Writer, he says to me, "I'm not an alcoholic, because alcoholics become quitters and my mother didn't raise any quitters. I'm a drunk."