Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Cornrow Plague Season Returns

Like the flu, the dreaded cornrow virus has returned this fall with a vengence. For those of you with a weak stomach, I ask you to turn away now. Those hardier souls among you may proceed and witness the horrors of the cornrow.

Like the heartbreak of psoriasis, cornrows are making Glen Johnson an outcast in the football world. That and his cockup against Slovenia. Anyway, his infection dictates that he must try harder than the others to make friends. Here, he blows kisses to his mark in a frankly awkward attempt to win friends.

The always oddly-coiffed David James has been infected again. This one isn't one of the worst but it's bad. It's got Bronx-style scalp-line crafting, sideways cornrows, and then some weird pigtail in the back. Our heart goes out to him. His condition appears to be terminal.

Frederic Piqionne and his Formula 1 track inspired hair tussle . . . with . . . oh. Oh my. Well, let's move on then.

Benoit Assou Ekotto, why?

So I know what you're thinking - the problem is limited to footballers on teams that will not seriously contend for the Premier League title so I don;t have to worry. Well, you're wrong, buddy. The problem is here now. It has spread across the ocean and beyond sports. See here.

It has infected the Philadelphia Police Department. God help us.

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