The 2009 Kevin Keegan Coaching Hairdo Award

This year, there is a three-way tie for the Kevin Keegan Coaching Hairdo Award. The winners are:

Nestor Gorosito, head coach of Argentine powerhouse River Plate. I'm afraid even Keegan himself in his prime and current Newcastle defender Fabricio Coloccini cannot match Nestor's perm/mullet.

Mircea Lucescu, UEFA Cup winning coach of Ukranian side Shakhtar Dontesk. He co-wins for what seems to be his sheer lack of concern for how his hair looks. Judging by this picture, if he told me he had never once combed his hair in his life, I would believe him. Similarly, if he told me he combed it five times a day with an egg beater, I would believe him. There's no real way to define what's going on here. The top is permed and the sides are straight? I'm lost. Anyway, congrats to him on his victory.

Pim Verbeek, head coach of the Australian National Team. He wins for having Stage 2 terminal Costanza Balding Pattern but still living his life to the fullest anyway, damn it!

The 2009 Alberto Gilardino Award

This year, I award it to Kyle Lafferty, Northern Irish international and Glasgow Rangers forward, for his bit of play acting in the recent Aberdeen - Rangers match. He did that gross forehead to forehead pushing thing, with Charlie Mulgrew, that soccer players do in lieu of actually using their fists and then - poof! - he went down like a sniper in the stands put one right between his eyes. I'd show you the video but the Scottish Premier League, as part of their continuing effort to prevent its product from being easily accessible to the masses, has had all traces of the video removed from the web. To his credit, Lafferty has admitted he took a dive and has stated that he is completely embarrassed by his actions. But the dive still happened and so he gets the Gilardino Award.

The award is named in honor of Fiorentina forward Alberto Gilardino's infamous dive against Celtic (also from Glsgow, and Rangers mortal enemy).

Some Tuesday George Best

Just because it's Tuesday. With The Spencer Davis Group's classic Keep On Running for a soundtrack. Kinda hard to beat.

Enough With The Cream Pies Already

Hey, nobody is happier about the Yankees' recent last-at-bat heroics and subsequent resurgence than I am, but this cream pie business has got to stop. It's starting to look like a Japanese porno over there.

You Stay Classy, Rafa

Much is made of the "mind games" Sir Alex Ferguson plays with his coaching rivals. Generally, I think this is poppycocks and the press make big stories out of nothing. But it seems this year we're seeing the real deal as he's really undone serial sore loser Rafa Benitez.

Clearly steamed after coming in second to SAF in their recent war of words (and the league), old Rafa now refuses to congratulate the United manager on winning the Premier League crown. Somehwere at Anfield there is a playpen with toys scattered on the floor around it.

And it seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Rafa's classiness must have inspired two of his players - Jamie Carragher and Alvaro Arbeloa - to practically come to blows during their match yesterday. A meaningless match, I might add.

Carragher pulls this quite a bit, doesn't he? Always getting into it with his teammates. People like to chalk it up to his competitiveness but I say that it has more to do with his being, just like United's own Gary Neville, an asshole.

Glory Glory Man United!

Ah, what a day! Another year, another trophy haul, and while this sort of thing can't last forever, we've got a young team and I suspect there is much more silverware to come.

Melky Cabrera - Berlitz School Dropout

Melky Cabrera hit a ninth inning walk off rope to left center to complete the Yankees' comeback victory against the Twins last night. But after the game, YES Network reporter Kim Jones interviewed Melky (after A.J. Burnett had given him a shaving cream pie to the face) about his big night but the questions were answered . . . by a translator. Wha happun! This knucklehead has been playing in the majors since 2005 and he still doesn't know enough English to do a post game interview? Yes, I know from living there, the Bronx isn't the best place for a foreigner to learn English. But come on, 4 years wasn't enough time to learn how to say "I's glad we went out and esecuted tonights but we has to give one hundred and ten percents tomorrow"? He's making 1.4 million this year - how about buying one of those learn to speak the English sets they sell on commerial breaks during El Gordo y La Flaca*?

*if you can look past El Gordo's bare chest, the jacuzzi segments are pretty good.

How Petty Can One Get?

The Scottish have always been burdened with accusations of being cheap - see this excellent Monty Python clip for an example



but this story from the BBC really takes the cake. Or rather, the pie.

Football clubs across Scotland have been accused of fleecing fans - by failing to make sure the VAT has been cut on the pies, Bovril and hotdogs sold at their grounds. . .

Andy Walker, a 58-year-old Celtic supporter from Dundee, got in touch with BBC Scotland to complain that the price of hot food at every ground he has visited had not changed.

He wants clubs and caterers to pass on the reductions.

Mr Walker said: "From the start of the season right to the present day prices have remained the same.
"On a £3 item, for example a hotdog, I should've been saving six pence. . .

Really, Mr. Walker? You've complained to the BBC (and, astonishingly, they've decided to create an entire story out of it) because you have been fleeced to the tune of six pence on your hot dog? Good grief. I guess you've never been to a Yankee game. If you had you'd count your blessings.

How To Sell An Energy Drink

Darren Rovell, who runs the must-read Sports Biz blog on CNBC, is as intrigued as I am by one "Nora Tobin, Pro Beach Volleyball Player", the delicate young flower who appears in the online FRS energy drink ads. There's an enormous popularity gulf between their two spokesfolks (the two I have seen in ads, anyway), the relatively anonymous yet washboard-abbed Nora Tobin and megastar Lance Armstrong. And yet I bet that despite her being largely unknown the Tobin ads gets far more clickthroughs than old Lance's ad solely on account of her rather fetching appearance. Either way, she is certainly getting noticed which proves that the sex, it sells, baby. In the meantime, I've seen their ads a thousand times and I still have no idea what the hell FRS is. The can looks too much like Tab to trust as being safe.

This Footballing Weekend In Pictures

Carlos Tevez, (soon to be former) Manchester United striker and truly one of my all-time favorite soccerballers, stops in mid-stride during the Manchester Derby to listen to the churchbells his twin brother Quasimodo is ringing in the distance. Take it easy - he looks like Cary Grant compared to me.

An extremely excited Obafemi Martins celebrates his new hairdo (think George Raft meets Jim Kelly) and his goal in the big Newcastle/Middlesbrough northeast semi-derby/relegation battle by jumping on Newcastle coach Alan Shearer and . . . well, err . . . oh. Hmm. Well, anyway, Shearer doesn't seem to mind. (picture courtesy of The Sun, which is always worth visiting).

American Carlos Bocanegra scores for Rennes against Guingamp (Guincamp defeated Rennes, 2-1, btw). I know the angle probably doesn't do the play justice, but doesn't the keeper look comically out of place? He appears to be diving to get away from the ball. Meanwhile, the defender behind his hands has taken this play off in order to do some interpretative jazz dance.

During his team's 1-1 draw against AC Milan, Juventus fullback Paolo De Ceglie struggles to avoid the Kaka on the pitch.

The Pope Senses Danger

During a press conference in the midst of his trip to The Holy Land (so named because of the non-stop holiness that goes on there) the Pope senses the presence of a predator and puffs his frills to ward off the danger.

The Socrates Of Citi Field

We got to try to continue to win ballgames.

Mets' philosopher coach Jerry Manuel tonight on WFAN, dispensing profound thoughts on what the Mets need to do. I am surprised he did not immediately add that they needed to execute on the field.

Malouda Had Some Hairdo(da)

He had some seriously weird hair during yesterday's match. Is this the new Terra Cotta Army look? Did he get his hair caught in a ceiling fan? You be the judge . . .

When Cup Celebrations Go Bad

Don't you miss the good old days when the winning team would just jog around the pitch holding the trophy up to the fans in the stands? I can't stand these new celebrations with the fireworks and smoke and the team jumping up and down in unison like idiots jumping over an imaginary jump rope. Also, the fireworks, they can be dangerous, as Fat Ronaldo and his victorious Corinthians found out recently.

MTA Bailout! Well, Not Really

Hey, looks like us MTA customers might be spared a new fare increase because of a new state bailout! Hurray! Think of the money we'll save! But wait a minute - where does the state get its bailout money from in the first place?

Us.

Oh, and there will be a $0.50 taxi surcharge. So, like I said before, go fuck yourself, taxpayer!

El Clasico!

Man alive, did anybody else watch Barcelona demolish Real Madrid today? 6-2, at the Bernabeu no less. The main highlight for me - the incredible genius that is Ray Hudson, ex-Newcastle footballer and current color commentator for GolTV. Ray's commentary is uniquely strange and probably like nothing you've ever heard, so here's some of his snippets.

Who Ate All The Pies?

This guy, God bless his heart! God save his stomach.

Mostly posted this as an excuse to lament the kinda sorta maybe death of the greatest soccer site on this planet, Who Ate All The Pies. Come back to us, Pies.

Go F*ck Yourself, NYC Commuter

Hey, it looks like the MTA is going to have to raise fares again, because they're poor. I wonder why? Maybe in part because, as the WSJ reports, labor costs have risen around $2,000,000,000 in the past 5 years? I once again draw inspiration from social philosopher Travis Bickle when I think that somebody should wash the entire MTA right down the fucking toilet.

3 Trillion And Counting

This is quite a bit more than the original 700 billion. Glad to know the government is spending my money with all the discretion of a stumbling drunk who just won $20 in Quickdraw.

Fellaini's Astonishing Afro

We've discussed this fellow's aversion to barbers previously but it's worth bringing him up again. Having maintained his ban on barbers for the entire EPL season, Everton forward Marouane Fellaini's afro is becoming breathtakingly huge. Just look at this . . .

That picture isn't from the 70's. It's from last week or thereabouts. Derek Robson's indispensable BBC Football blog is on the case.